Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Night time conversation with Hulk
So I was talking with my youngest last night about a couple topics. Here goes the 1st:
Hulk: Mom, I think I have pica.
Mom: Really pica - that's a big deal. What makes you think you have that?
Hulk: Well, you know I eat things you're not supposed to eat.
Mom: Like what?
Hulk: Cement, pieces of metal, erasers, concrete, and rocks
Mom: Hmmm, why to you think you do that?
Hulk: Because.
Mom: Hmmm, do you think you like to see people react to your eating it?
Hulk: No, that's not it. I know it's weird and I know I shouldn't eat it.
Mom: Should I take you to the doctor and see what we can find out? They'll probably need to run
some tests and take blood and look at your stomach.
Hulk: Well, if we go through all that and the doctor says nothings wrong, it might be something else
Mom: What would that be?
Hulk: I just get so hungry!
Mom: Really! Why don't you eat something then?
Hulk: Well, you know I don't like breakfast, I'm just not hungry then. Then by the time I am hungry,
school has to start.
Mom: Oh, that's not good.
Hulk: Then I hold off and wait and wait, then I get so hungry I just think anything will work to eat.
Mom: What about I talk to the teacher and the nurse and see if we can figure out a time for you to have a snack?
Hulk: Yeah, that's a good idea
Yeah, that is a good idea - good gravy!
Here goes the 2nd conversation (by the way still the same night, also, he's supposed to be going to sleep):
Hulk: I hold my farts at school
Mom: Oh you do, do you?
Hulk: Yeah, but I figured out how to do an SBD (silent but deadly - he as experienced these from his
mother - for shame)
Mom: How do you do that?
Hulk: When I feel like I'm going to fart, I hold it in for at least a minute, then I slowly let it out a
little at a time. Then it doesn't make a noise and no one knows I've farted. Also, don't fart
next to someone you like.
Mom: Wow! Good to know.
Hulk: Except sometimes that doesn't work, but I was on the reading carpet and I slowly farted and the kid behind me said "oh what is that smell" and as he was saying that a kid asked him if he farted and he thought they said did "someone" fart and he said yes. He got blamed for my fart. {happy diabolical face}
Mom: You got lucky on that one for sure!
Hulk: Yeah, I did!
Mom: Ok, bedtime
The things we learn from our kids!
Things my boys are teaching me and some of their interesting questions
IH: Mom did you know that you can tell things about dinosaurs from their poop? I wonder if we can do that with the dogs?
CA: You know Mom, I'm getting older and need more space to figure things out.
CA: Mom, with great power comes great responsibility, that's why I should have great power because I would be responsible with it, like help save people from bad guys.
IH: Mom, did you know that I'm growing and need lots of food? Can I have two cookies?
IH: Mom, the tooth fairy is a pretty nice lady. I'm going to try to meet her this time. She gives money for teeth. Does anyone else do that?
IH: Mom, did you know that George (our very large golden lab) is getting his summer coat? We need to help him get his winter coat off.
IH: Mom, the cat does not like to have her face squished. Yeah, that's why I have a scratch.
CA: You know Mom one day I'm going to be an irritating teenager.
CA: Consequences? I know, I know, I won't have them if I listen better.
IH: Tomorrow? It will take 100 hours for tomorrow to come!
IH: Look Mom, I have a six pack, CA has a four pack. Do you have a pack?
CA: You know Mom, I'm getting older and need more space to figure things out.
CA: Mom, with great power comes great responsibility, that's why I should have great power because I would be responsible with it, like help save people from bad guys.
IH: Mom, did you know that I'm growing and need lots of food? Can I have two cookies?
IH: Mom, the tooth fairy is a pretty nice lady. I'm going to try to meet her this time. She gives money for teeth. Does anyone else do that?
IH: Mom, did you know that George (our very large golden lab) is getting his summer coat? We need to help him get his winter coat off.
IH: Mom, the cat does not like to have her face squished. Yeah, that's why I have a scratch.
CA: You know Mom one day I'm going to be an irritating teenager.
CA: Consequences? I know, I know, I won't have them if I listen better.
IH: Tomorrow? It will take 100 hours for tomorrow to come!
IH: Look Mom, I have a six pack, CA has a four pack. Do you have a pack?
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Deep Thoughts
Do you remember the Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey skit on SNL? If you don't then you either aren't old enough to remember or weren't allowed to watch SNL. Remember those days when SNL was the "iffy" show. Yeah, that ship has sailed. My kids watch all kinds of crazy stuff from YouTube and the Cartoon Network that I swear someone is truly eating the "good" mushrooms.
I digress, my reason for bringing it up was those deep thoughts were so goofy and not really deep thoughts and I thought (deeply) that I have a few of those I could write. Here goes:
I digress, my reason for bringing it up was those deep thoughts were so goofy and not really deep thoughts and I thought (deeply) that I have a few of those I could write. Here goes:
- If you're kid says, "Hey Mom, watch this", you probably don't want to watch it and you may want to duck or brace for impact
- If you think what it looks like means it probably smells bad, then go with that gut feeling. No need for the sniff test
- If it's hard to put on the 1st leg, don't bother with the 2nd, it really won't get easier
- Some things are best left unsaid. If that's the case let your kiddo be the one to break the news. They bounce back much faster
- Teaching your kids to start a fire and keep it going will only improve your chances of surviving the apocalypse
- If someone said your kid was "good" or a "natural" at something doesn't mean that they will be an olympic star and all the sacrifices will be worth it. Don't get a big head about it. Let the kid have fun at being a "natural", that's it
- Everything tastes better that's been cooked on an open fire. EVERYTHING!
- 2 boys + water = someone else is wet
Friday, April 15, 2016
It's been a while - ok two years!
So, I don't know how many times my husband has said to me, "Why aren't you writing in your blog" for the past two years, but I just couldn't. As it is for many people, life just continues to stay complicated. Blogging was a way for me to share some moments in life that I could look back on and remember, but right this very moment (past two years moment), I'm in the "people can kiss my ass if they don't like what I'm doing" phase, which is a phase that happens quite often and goes along with, "I don't have time to make sure my body language, attitude, and speech are politically correct" phase. As I'm writing this, I realize that maybe it isn't a phase. Yeah, it isn't. So why should I blog about stuff I don't give a shit what other people think? Yeah, that's why it's been two years.
So why am I writing now, because I need an outlet for all these feelings and sometimes other people need to read something like what I'm going through. I know I have really enjoyed Beth Woolsey's blog Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids http://putdowntheurinalcake.com/. I would totally move to Oregon to be her long lost best friend, but I don't ever want to move again and I think I may seem like a stalker, which I would totally be fine with, but I don't want to ruin my kids' reputation. Also, they have some friends and are liking the schools they're in (kinda) so might cause issues. Oh and not having a job could cause some problems like having to end up living in a yert. I may have mentally gone down the road of moving to Oregon a little farther than is logical and normal right? Again, no problems with being a stalker for the right reason.
Other reasons I haven't written is that I've felt mentally blocked. Like constipation. I know it's there wanting to come out, but it just sits there festering possibly becoming ugly and might hurt a little. Maybe a gross analogy and thus the reason to let it stay blocked. I've realized over the past two years and some therapy, that I have social anxiety. God knows where I got it, whether it was the incessant bullying of my entire elementary and middle school years or having been in an occult that we don't talk about because it just brings up painful memories, but it's there. It's not like the type of anxiety that makes me want to hide in a corner, my job is to deal with people all day so that would be awkward, but more in social situations anywhere but work. Funny right? Well not so funny, but you know, weird. Anyway, I was on medication to help me deal with this for awhile, which it did work. I felt less nervous, and really didn't give much of a shit what people thought. But that was the issue, I no longer gave a shit. I really liked the me that gave a shit about something. Don't get me wrong, I was still able to have feelings, but it took the "edge" off enough that I was just fine being in the moment. Well, that was awesome for two years because I was always that person over analyzing a situation (mole hill into mountain) and looking for the next thing our family can do, and try to be everything for everyone. Oh did I mention I was angry about everything? Yeah, pick a topic, I could get spun up about it.
Then this year came around and I was done taking a pill. Not that the pill wasn't helpful, it so was. But I just wanted to feel passion again. I was worried about stopping because of the anger, because the family definitely suffered when I was angry. However, on my two year journey, I realized that most of my anger was pent up from me not wanting to show weakness that my feelings were hurt. I wanted to be a strong person that could handle small humans saying mean things, and not getting bent out of shape because someone at work was rude or said something mean. The anger comes from me not wanting to cry, ever. Crying is not allowed in baseball or by me. Yeah, so I've done some brain searching, I don't say soul searching because that wasn't the problem, it was those rules I'd made for myself in my brain. Those ones suck and have no basis in my "now" reality, they are based on old wounds and experiences that happened when I was forming my sense of self.
So here I am, age 41 (almost 42), and I realize my sense of self needs some major renovations. Really? I thought as I got older I would have this figured out. I would be grayer but wiser and happier as a being. Nope. Good news for me is, I know now I can always re-invent, have a big burn party for the sense of self stuff that just needs to be burned into a fiery hot molten mess that can be hammered into something that gives me true strength instead of sadness and regret. Does this mean my anxiety is gone? Hell no - I still have diarrhea of the mouth when I meet new people, trying to tell them all about me so if they don't like me, they can be triaged that day versus wasting more time on a friendship. I still have anger that wells up without my understanding why and I still have plenty of sense of self issues. BUT, I've found this ability to look at them and see if it's worth it to keep going down the path. I'm able to look at my anger sooner and try to realize why and where it's coming from. I can explain to my kiddos that I need a moment or that their words have hurt me so I got angry because that's what I do when my feelings get hurt. Is this ability always there when I need it, again Hell No. But, it's there. I'm hoping that means I've learned something. Also, my passion and giving a shit are back. That makes me happy, usually.
Here's to me posting some really funny, eloquent, and deepling interesting things in the near future or at least giving a shit to write something.
So why am I writing now, because I need an outlet for all these feelings and sometimes other people need to read something like what I'm going through. I know I have really enjoyed Beth Woolsey's blog Five Kids Is A Lot Of Kids http://putdowntheurinalcake.com/. I would totally move to Oregon to be her long lost best friend, but I don't ever want to move again and I think I may seem like a stalker, which I would totally be fine with, but I don't want to ruin my kids' reputation. Also, they have some friends and are liking the schools they're in (kinda) so might cause issues. Oh and not having a job could cause some problems like having to end up living in a yert. I may have mentally gone down the road of moving to Oregon a little farther than is logical and normal right? Again, no problems with being a stalker for the right reason.
Other reasons I haven't written is that I've felt mentally blocked. Like constipation. I know it's there wanting to come out, but it just sits there festering possibly becoming ugly and might hurt a little. Maybe a gross analogy and thus the reason to let it stay blocked. I've realized over the past two years and some therapy, that I have social anxiety. God knows where I got it, whether it was the incessant bullying of my entire elementary and middle school years or having been in an occult that we don't talk about because it just brings up painful memories, but it's there. It's not like the type of anxiety that makes me want to hide in a corner, my job is to deal with people all day so that would be awkward, but more in social situations anywhere but work. Funny right? Well not so funny, but you know, weird. Anyway, I was on medication to help me deal with this for awhile, which it did work. I felt less nervous, and really didn't give much of a shit what people thought. But that was the issue, I no longer gave a shit. I really liked the me that gave a shit about something. Don't get me wrong, I was still able to have feelings, but it took the "edge" off enough that I was just fine being in the moment. Well, that was awesome for two years because I was always that person over analyzing a situation (mole hill into mountain) and looking for the next thing our family can do, and try to be everything for everyone. Oh did I mention I was angry about everything? Yeah, pick a topic, I could get spun up about it.
Then this year came around and I was done taking a pill. Not that the pill wasn't helpful, it so was. But I just wanted to feel passion again. I was worried about stopping because of the anger, because the family definitely suffered when I was angry. However, on my two year journey, I realized that most of my anger was pent up from me not wanting to show weakness that my feelings were hurt. I wanted to be a strong person that could handle small humans saying mean things, and not getting bent out of shape because someone at work was rude or said something mean. The anger comes from me not wanting to cry, ever. Crying is not allowed in baseball or by me. Yeah, so I've done some brain searching, I don't say soul searching because that wasn't the problem, it was those rules I'd made for myself in my brain. Those ones suck and have no basis in my "now" reality, they are based on old wounds and experiences that happened when I was forming my sense of self.
So here I am, age 41 (almost 42), and I realize my sense of self needs some major renovations. Really? I thought as I got older I would have this figured out. I would be grayer but wiser and happier as a being. Nope. Good news for me is, I know now I can always re-invent, have a big burn party for the sense of self stuff that just needs to be burned into a fiery hot molten mess that can be hammered into something that gives me true strength instead of sadness and regret. Does this mean my anxiety is gone? Hell no - I still have diarrhea of the mouth when I meet new people, trying to tell them all about me so if they don't like me, they can be triaged that day versus wasting more time on a friendship. I still have anger that wells up without my understanding why and I still have plenty of sense of self issues. BUT, I've found this ability to look at them and see if it's worth it to keep going down the path. I'm able to look at my anger sooner and try to realize why and where it's coming from. I can explain to my kiddos that I need a moment or that their words have hurt me so I got angry because that's what I do when my feelings get hurt. Is this ability always there when I need it, again Hell No. But, it's there. I'm hoping that means I've learned something. Also, my passion and giving a shit are back. That makes me happy, usually.
Here's to me posting some really funny, eloquent, and deepling interesting things in the near future or at least giving a shit to write something.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Carrying on the genes
There are many carrying on of genes to be celebrated when they get passed down. A parent happy that their child wants to play the same sport they did or learning the same musical instrument, or having the same natural talent at something. Well as you know I'm not the average bear so here's one of the genes I'm so happy my son, Incredible Hulk (IH) has carried on:
IH absolutely loves sticks. There are other things he loves too, but sticks have a very tender spot in his heart. When he looks at a stick he sees all the wonderful uses in the shape and form of the stick. He also sees what it can become with a little ingenuity. I happen to totally understand where he's coming from. The right stick can make a hike become an epic journey. The right stick can stop nettles from getting in your eye and poke at the cool slimy thing crawling on a rock that you're not quite ready to touch with your hand. A stick can be used for defense or offense. Anyway, sticks are cool. I've found out at a very young age that not everyone appreciates sticks the way I do, so to find out my son loves them, makes me smile and feel all full up at the same time. However, stick hoarding can erk other members of the family and I think IH would probably have a lot less sticks if it weren't for me.
This isn't the only tradition I'm proud of him for. Today he made me giggle with glee. He came inside and said he needed a paper bag and a marker. This is what he wrote:
IH absolutely loves sticks. There are other things he loves too, but sticks have a very tender spot in his heart. When he looks at a stick he sees all the wonderful uses in the shape and form of the stick. He also sees what it can become with a little ingenuity. I happen to totally understand where he's coming from. The right stick can make a hike become an epic journey. The right stick can stop nettles from getting in your eye and poke at the cool slimy thing crawling on a rock that you're not quite ready to touch with your hand. A stick can be used for defense or offense. Anyway, sticks are cool. I've found out at a very young age that not everyone appreciates sticks the way I do, so to find out my son loves them, makes me smile and feel all full up at the same time. However, stick hoarding can erk other members of the family and I think IH would probably have a lot less sticks if it weren't for me.
This isn't the only tradition I'm proud of him for. Today he made me giggle with glee. He came inside and said he needed a paper bag and a marker. This is what he wrote:
stiks 5 cents
Yes, he decided it was time to share his surplus of wonderful sticks and provide a service to the neighborhood. His good friend, Green Lantern (neighbor boy - they have become good friends) was by his side to help with sales. Of course as his Mom, I thought of him knocking on doors of neighbors I haven't met or that he might get his feelings hurt, but I decided this is a great moment that shouldn't be squashed. I once was his age and decided the world needed the tiny agates (rocks) I would find and clean up. I sold them for a penny each. Not sure how many I sold, but I did sell some. So, I didn't even do my hovering thing I'm so good at. He had taken his first step to understanding supply and demand and how to market a product. His first step to becoming a productive member of society. They were so determined, so eager, and so darn cute. I'm not sure how many doors they knocked on, but they got to the end of the street. He sold one stick and that was enough. He is sure there are more people out there that need HIS sticks.
I think I might need one - he asked me if I did. I'm sure I need a stick for something, right?
Monday, April 14, 2014
Kid Excerpts
Another excerpt from my superheros...
Hulk and Captain America are traveling together after a long hard day of saving the world. They have been weakened by the toll of saving the day and their abilities to maintain their composure is waning...
Hulk: Give it back!
Captain America: How do you know it's yours? It doesn't have your name on it.
Hulk: You KNOW it's mine. I found it walking home from scho..I mean coming back from my important mission!
Captain America: If you catch it you can have it...
WHIP...SMAACK
Hulk:AHHHHHHHHH! You horrible person, I never want you in my life! Why are you even ALIVE!
Captain America: OOOhhh, I didn't know it would hurt you! AHHHHHHHH, why did you bite me?????? You have gone too far, I will give you the beating of your life!
Mom: (while driving) There will be consequences if I don't hear some apologies right NOW?
Mom's super sonic yell has made Hulk and Captain America realize their error. For now the tempers have been neutralized by fear of impending doom.
~~~~~~~~~
An interesting conversation after coloring Easter eggs....
Hulk: I want to keep these forever. I think they look so pretty.
Mom: Sorry buddy they can't be kept forever, we will need to eat them so they don't go bad.
Hulk: Why would they go bad, you cooked them?
Mom: Well even when stuff gets cooked eventually bacteria grows and makes it rotten.
Hulk: I'll just keep one, okay?
Mom: I'm sorry kiddo we have to either eat them or throw them away, I'd rather eat your wonderful creations. We'll be sure to take a picture.
Hulk: I know! We can carefully scrape out the egg on the inside and I can keep the shell!
Mom: I'm sorry kiddo but that would only work if it was raw.
Hulk: Then why did you cook it??!!
Hmmmm...yeah why did I cook it and then do something where he has to destroy his passionate, thoughtful, creative artwork?
Mom: How about next year we try taking out the raw egg first and then coloring the eggs shells?
Hulk: Ooookaaay.
Whew....dodged the bullet until next year. I'll have to do some practicing on getting raw egg out of an eggshell - I know it can be done, but do I really have the patience? We'll see NEXT year HAHAHAHAHAHAH! (that's my "what in the world did I do to myself for next year laugh" which I know because I may have done this to myself before - awesome Christmas lights next year anyone?)
Hulk: I don't think we have to wait for Easter to come again to dye eggs.
Mom: thinking: CRAP! this kid is too smart - says - Hmmmm?
Hulk and Captain America are traveling together after a long hard day of saving the world. They have been weakened by the toll of saving the day and their abilities to maintain their composure is waning...
Hulk: Give it back!
Captain America: How do you know it's yours? It doesn't have your name on it.
Hulk: You KNOW it's mine. I found it walking home from scho..I mean coming back from my important mission!
Captain America: If you catch it you can have it...
WHIP...SMAACK
Hulk:AHHHHHHHHH! You horrible person, I never want you in my life! Why are you even ALIVE!
Captain America: OOOhhh, I didn't know it would hurt you! AHHHHHHHH, why did you bite me?????? You have gone too far, I will give you the beating of your life!
Mom: (while driving) There will be consequences if I don't hear some apologies right NOW?
Mom's super sonic yell has made Hulk and Captain America realize their error. For now the tempers have been neutralized by fear of impending doom.
~~~~~~~~~
An interesting conversation after coloring Easter eggs....
Hulk: I want to keep these forever. I think they look so pretty.
Mom: Sorry buddy they can't be kept forever, we will need to eat them so they don't go bad.
Hulk: Why would they go bad, you cooked them?
Mom: Well even when stuff gets cooked eventually bacteria grows and makes it rotten.
Hulk: I'll just keep one, okay?
Mom: I'm sorry kiddo we have to either eat them or throw them away, I'd rather eat your wonderful creations. We'll be sure to take a picture.
Hulk: I know! We can carefully scrape out the egg on the inside and I can keep the shell!
Mom: I'm sorry kiddo but that would only work if it was raw.
Hulk: Then why did you cook it??!!
Hmmmm...yeah why did I cook it and then do something where he has to destroy his passionate, thoughtful, creative artwork?
Mom: How about next year we try taking out the raw egg first and then coloring the eggs shells?
Hulk: Ooookaaay.
Whew....dodged the bullet until next year. I'll have to do some practicing on getting raw egg out of an eggshell - I know it can be done, but do I really have the patience? We'll see NEXT year HAHAHAHAHAHAH! (that's my "what in the world did I do to myself for next year laugh" which I know because I may have done this to myself before - awesome Christmas lights next year anyone?)
Hulk: I don't think we have to wait for Easter to come again to dye eggs.
Mom: thinking: CRAP! this kid is too smart - says - Hmmmm?
Monday, May 27, 2013
My conversation with an angel
I don't know if this is just a "me" thing or it happens to a lot of people but I have whole chunks of ideas/trains of thoughts/understanding the world processing that can go through my head in what seems like a split second or the time it takes to take a shower (a little longer than a second). I know I'm not someone who fits into the group very easily so just bear with me if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
So today I had this particular process that came to me almost like it was a dream I had, accept I don't think I was sleeping when I "dreamed" this. This dream was a discussion with an angel about God and how it all worked. Here's how it went:
Me: So how does it all work anyway?
Angel: What do you mean?
Me: You know, what's the meaning of life and how does God keep this all straight? How does it happen that some people die at certain times and other don't?
Angel: Ok, so you mean to tell me you don't have this figured out yet?
Me: Well, no not really, I mean I've read about all different ways it works and...Ok, what about cancer, how does that work? Why do some people get it and others don't?
Angel: I don't know
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Angel: God doesn't sit down and decide who's going to get cancer and who's going to die of what - he doesn't have time for that silly stuff
Me: What do you mean silly? Dying and suffering is a big deal? Didn't God figure that out before we were even born?
Angel: God created energy and energy is always changing shapes and forms - didn't someone already explain this to you?
Me: Yeah, maybe, I might have missed exactly who that was...could you explain?
Angel: {sigh}Ok, here's the deal. So few humans who aren't dying can grasp this so you will probably walk away from this conversation and question it, but here goes...energy is God's wonderful creation. It never dies. It may change in intensity and form but doesn't stop existing. Humans are made up of that energy. God created humans to make their own decisions/choices and how humans live and die are based on all the decisions that were ever made from the beginning of God's energy. No one can know (well except for God) when one particular human is going to die and why because it's made up of all the energy that has ever existed.
Me: So you're saying that there are so many variables within the energy that even God doesn't know how someone is going to die?
Angel: No, I'm saying the how doesn't matter because the energy will never truly die?
Me: Does that mean reincarnation in true?
Angel: Do you really want to try and understand this?
Me: Well, yeah, it might make it easier to accept all the heartbreaks that are going on?
Angel: Really, you think knowing what God knows would make it easier?
Me: I don't know I kind of thought so, but you're looking at me like I'm an idiot so maybe I don't know.
Angel: {sigh} Look, I know you're heart is really hurting right now for so many people that are dealing with loss and you think that figuring it out will somehow bring them comfort, but really that is not how it works. Everyone has a different path that leads them to understanding. Some may only find it in death and others understand it at a very young age.
Me: How do I know what to believe and tell others?
Angel: You already know the answer to that question don't you.
Me: Yeah, be the person that I want others to be, right?
Angel: You know what is right in your soul, just look there for answers instead of the creations of humans. The energy that you hold in your soul, if you listen to it, will guide you.
Me: You know that sounds kind of hokey right?
Angel: Probably, but you asked me. I gotta get going. I have a lot of work to get done. Being an angel isn't just sitting around and smiling. There are humans everywhere that are looking for answers.
Me: Oh, do you have this conversation a lot?
Angel: You can't even begin to imagine. I'll see you around. {laughing} Get it the whole energy thing I was just talking about? Ok, just a little angel humor.
Me: Nice. See you around.
Even after I've written down this "dreamed" conversation it doesn't have all the idiosyncrasies of the actual "dreamed" conversation. I think the angel was more irritated with me because I didn't trust what my soul was saying to me about God. It seems my soul has more knowledge of how everything works than I thought. I wonder why I don't trust those thoughts more? Why is it so easy to talk at God than have a conversation with him? You know those people who only ask you questions so they can talk about what's going on with them? Have I been doing that with God? He's trying to show me how it works, or even better show me the way and I'm just telling him how my life is and how I think it works. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.
Well, that's what I got. I guess I'll keep trying to be the person I want others to be. Still sounds sappy doesn't it.
So today I had this particular process that came to me almost like it was a dream I had, accept I don't think I was sleeping when I "dreamed" this. This dream was a discussion with an angel about God and how it all worked. Here's how it went:
Me: So how does it all work anyway?
Angel: What do you mean?
Me: You know, what's the meaning of life and how does God keep this all straight? How does it happen that some people die at certain times and other don't?
Angel: Ok, so you mean to tell me you don't have this figured out yet?
Me: Well, no not really, I mean I've read about all different ways it works and...Ok, what about cancer, how does that work? Why do some people get it and others don't?
Angel: I don't know
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Angel: God doesn't sit down and decide who's going to get cancer and who's going to die of what - he doesn't have time for that silly stuff
Me: What do you mean silly? Dying and suffering is a big deal? Didn't God figure that out before we were even born?
Angel: God created energy and energy is always changing shapes and forms - didn't someone already explain this to you?
Me: Yeah, maybe, I might have missed exactly who that was...could you explain?
Angel: {sigh}Ok, here's the deal. So few humans who aren't dying can grasp this so you will probably walk away from this conversation and question it, but here goes...energy is God's wonderful creation. It never dies. It may change in intensity and form but doesn't stop existing. Humans are made up of that energy. God created humans to make their own decisions/choices and how humans live and die are based on all the decisions that were ever made from the beginning of God's energy. No one can know (well except for God) when one particular human is going to die and why because it's made up of all the energy that has ever existed.
Me: So you're saying that there are so many variables within the energy that even God doesn't know how someone is going to die?
Angel: No, I'm saying the how doesn't matter because the energy will never truly die?
Me: Does that mean reincarnation in true?
Angel: Do you really want to try and understand this?
Me: Well, yeah, it might make it easier to accept all the heartbreaks that are going on?
Angel: Really, you think knowing what God knows would make it easier?
Me: I don't know I kind of thought so, but you're looking at me like I'm an idiot so maybe I don't know.
Angel: {sigh} Look, I know you're heart is really hurting right now for so many people that are dealing with loss and you think that figuring it out will somehow bring them comfort, but really that is not how it works. Everyone has a different path that leads them to understanding. Some may only find it in death and others understand it at a very young age.
Me: How do I know what to believe and tell others?
Angel: You already know the answer to that question don't you.
Me: Yeah, be the person that I want others to be, right?
Angel: You know what is right in your soul, just look there for answers instead of the creations of humans. The energy that you hold in your soul, if you listen to it, will guide you.
Me: You know that sounds kind of hokey right?
Angel: Probably, but you asked me. I gotta get going. I have a lot of work to get done. Being an angel isn't just sitting around and smiling. There are humans everywhere that are looking for answers.
Me: Oh, do you have this conversation a lot?
Angel: You can't even begin to imagine. I'll see you around. {laughing} Get it the whole energy thing I was just talking about? Ok, just a little angel humor.
Me: Nice. See you around.
Even after I've written down this "dreamed" conversation it doesn't have all the idiosyncrasies of the actual "dreamed" conversation. I think the angel was more irritated with me because I didn't trust what my soul was saying to me about God. It seems my soul has more knowledge of how everything works than I thought. I wonder why I don't trust those thoughts more? Why is it so easy to talk at God than have a conversation with him? You know those people who only ask you questions so they can talk about what's going on with them? Have I been doing that with God? He's trying to show me how it works, or even better show me the way and I'm just telling him how my life is and how I think it works. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.
Well, that's what I got. I guess I'll keep trying to be the person I want others to be. Still sounds sappy doesn't it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)