Class Reunion Milestone

Ok, so even getting older means there are milestones.  Milestones are great when you are little and everyone cheers you on.  There aren't so many cheering when you hit milestones after 30.  I know being an adult means that you hold yourself up and do it yourself.  We are always teaching our kids those lessons and we want them to be DIY adults.  Even though I know all that, it can still be a little frightening when those milestones come around.

Case in point.  I recently had my 20 year class reunion.  I have to say that when I graduated high school I had no intention of EVER going back.  That time in my life was full of decisions I had made or circumstances that surrounded me that made me want to run like the wind and never look back.  So even thinking about going to the reunion made me wonder at my sanity and my thought process.  As the day got nearer, I started to feel panicky and I wanted to bail.  Thankfully my husband was supportive and told me that it really wasn't something to panic about.  The day of the reunion, I thought I didn't have anything to wear (why do I always fall back on that excuse?).  As I'm at the store, trying on I don't know how many jeans that all seemed to be made for a body style that isn't mine (even though the tag AND the sign said curvy, waist below the natural waist, and no gap).  I was in the dressing room looking at a disaster when it occurred to me, these people I haven't seen in 20 years don't give a @%$% about what I'm wearing.  They will either like me or not, just like high school.  So I gathered up my stuff and my dignity and came home a happier person.  It was a turning point for me.  Of course I was nervous and still had my heart in my throat when I arrived but it was OK.  Yep, there were people there that either liked me or they didn't.  I had a good time talking to the one's that either liked me or did a good job pretending and hearing about their lives.  At the end of the evening, I went to a B&B with my husband who I know truly loves me and I had a great weekend.

So why am I writing about this?  Because it seems the milestones in life, no matter what age, can be scary, exhilarating, and flat out hard to face, but I walk away from them with more knowledge in my head about who I am and where I stand as a person.  So what did I learn?  Living in the past is exhausting.  I not only thought about all the blunders, all out gaffs, people I hurt , hurt me or how I hurt myself, I also had to keep up with what's going on present day.  It's so much easier to live right now!  I walked away that night with the promise of some renewed friendships from high school and the knowledge that no matter how life twists and turns, what mistakes I've made or will make, it's still a good idea to be me and not what I think people want me to be.  The hardest part about all that is to accept myself as I am.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

I'm working on it...