My brand of Asperger's

Since this is Autism Awareness month, I thought I would write a little bit about my wonderful boy Captain America.  He is such a loving boy with 210% love to give.  He has made our lives so much richer by being born.  I recently went to hear Jesse Saperstein (what a great experience) talk about his life with Asperger's and it really got me thinking about Captain America and the things that make him unique.  Jesse talked about how everyone is different and that there are indicators for Autism but they are all manifested differently.  I think that's what makes it so hard for someone who has no idea about Autism (and even for some that do) to figure out how to react.  When someone can't physically "see" a disability, it's even harder to have compassion and understanding.

Captain America is the opposite of Rainman.  He is very friendly and loves to be around people and be in the middle of everything.  He is always trying to be a friend to someone.  As a parent the hardest part about that, is to see him get rejected for all his quirks.  Until recently, he really had no friends.  He has constant "theme music".  I call it that because he sings or hums pretty much all the time and the music changes based on what he's doing.  If he is out conquering the world or feels overwhelmed, it is rock and roll.  If he is super happy he has this sweet melody that really captures people's hearts if they are listening.  This "theme music" is hard for a lot of kids to understand.  I think they think he's trying to drown out what they have to say, but in reality I think his brain is playing a musical score.  I've always wanted to have a musical score for my life.  I guess I just have to see if he'll create one for me some day. 

So the change came around when he was diagnosed as having both ADHD and Aspergers.  They said the ADHD is what was the most problematic for him in school and social settings.  Since he couldn't slow his brain down enough to stay in one place, it caused havoc for him to learn reading, writing, and understand social behavior (also Aspergers).  We agonized over the suggestion to put him on medication, but thought about all the things he wanted to do but struggled at because of ADHD.  The medication has given him a chance to catch up to almost grade level on reading and writing.  He is able to slow down enough to start to try to learn the complexities of social interaction (I don't think I do so well with that myself- say what you mean for goodness sake!).

The interesting thing is that he is still Captain America, which is what I was really worried about with medication.  I was worried it would change who he was altogether.  I like that he is unique.  Maybe that sounds weird to those who just want their kids to fit it, but I love that he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't like him.  I love that he loves making people laugh (problematic at school because farts are always funny).  I love that he has a running list of people in his head who are his friends and who he still needs to win over.  I love that he knows he can do anything that he puts his mind to doing.  I love that he believes that it is his duty to save mankind.  I love that he loves everything about China.  I love that he thinks he can make up his own language and that since he has spoken it, I should automatically understand it.  I love that his compassion overflows and makes people "have" to at least acknowledge him.  I love that he enjoys knowing every detail about something he cares about.  No stone unturned with him.  What a great person to have in our world today.

I see him working daily to try to understand his world.  He is so excited when he recognizes a "feeling" on someone's face.  He says, "Mom, that woman on TV is really upset isn't she?" and it's then that I realize that last year he wouldn't have even noticed that.  I don't believe that medication did that for him.  What I believe is that medication gave him the opportunity to actually slow down to smell the roses that helped him compose his theme song.  I'll try to explain a little more.  Many people think that because he doesn't react, he hasn't heard or doesn't care, but the truth is while others are taking in portions of their environment, he is taking in all of his environment at once.  It all hits him in one big symphony.  He hears, sees, smells, and tastes it all at once.  I believe this is why he sometimes gets overwhelmed and overexcited.  Being able to slow down enough to see the small details in his world is really difficult.  He now has that opportunity.

Having said that, Captain America isn't a huge fan of the medication.  He gets why he takes it for school and some other activities but really he loves the world in one big blurry chunk.  I love him for that too.  He likes to negotiate so we agreed that when he doesn't have school he doesn't take the meds.  I believe that he should have a say in how his life goes.  At 7, the say is a small percentage (or we would have a cannon and a catapult in our backyard) but I'm looking ahead to the day he is able to drive away and I want him to be able to take care of himself.

So life is complicated.  We all have our ups and downs.  We all have parts of our lives that people, including our family, can't or won't understand.  The great thing about having Captain America in my life, is that he has taught me about compromise, compassion, pure joy, unconditional love, determination, negotiation, advocacy, and to just try to stand in someone else's shoes for a minute.  As a humans, any of those things can be hard to wrap our mortal arms around and I'm so glad I have Captain America and all my boys to help me work through them everyday.