Some Snarkiness

How is it that life can move so fast?  Just yesterday I was wearing shorts and having fun in the sun and now Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas lists have started!  I haven't blogged in a while partly because I have been overwhelmed with life and it's many twists and turns and partly because I've been kinda crabby about those twists and turns.  Just so you know crabby=deep dark thoughts that don't do anyone any good.  So I've come out of the crabby phase and thought that maybe a snarky blog would be fun and because basically that's what's rolling around in my head.  By the way, snarky is much better than deep dark (in case you start reading this and think snarky is too much).

So what's snarky?  I'll tell you:

I've come to realize that watching your kids run around like maniacs and refereeing these antics don't equal actual exercise.  Yeah, who knew?  Well I sure didn't, because I'm just as tired as though I'd been running at least a half marathon.  In fact, I think I would be less tired running a half marathon.  So when did I have this realization?  I'm sure you already know the answer but here it is: putting on my pants.  Yep, you knew it didn't you.  I can only tell myself the pants have shrunk in the wash so long.  Also, I'm not a fan of tight and uncomfortable, I'll leave that up to the teenagers/younger adults who haven't figured out yet that tight and skimpy has repercussions such as constipation and frostbite.  Anyway, this realization stirred me to subject my husband to yet another of my great ideas.  A new gym membership!  He actually is pretty happy with the idea, but then again he just thinks about getting into shape and it seems his body responds, mine goes into hibernation.  Along with this membership came some free personal trainer sessions.  I was very excited about this.  I've never had one of those sessions and thought it would be very beneficial.  They were very beneficial and I learned new things about the way I'm eating and how to exercise more productively.  Ok, that aside, these people have no idea what it's like to be a working mom, have an erratic schedule, and live within a budget!  So here's some reasons I think personal trainers and their "healthier you" suggestions don't live on my planet:

1. I believe if I took all the suggested supplements for a healthier me, I would smell like a vitamin and look like one too.
2. Whey protein drinks are not tasty.  They are like a shot of Tequila: tough to get down, may cause a little of the gag reflex, and you may regret what you say afterwards.
3. Exercising "at least 3 times a week" is a pipe dream.  Unless exercising between 9pm-12am  and not being able to sleep until 2 am counts as healthy.
4. Trainer: "What does your routine look like?" ; Me: Silence, "I'm not sure what you're asking".
5. After speaking at length about my work schedule and how my husband's rotates every other week. Trainer: "Do you think you could make it to the gym during the day?"; Me: "Hmmm, I think we talked about this already" more silence.
6. Trainer: "I'm going to give you some exercises you can do anywhere, even at work.  So you will want to have a really large ball for some of these."  Really?  at work?  with children?
7. They suggested that I figure out my goals and they would design a plan that could work around my schedule.  My goals are simple, loose weight and look great!  My schedule....hmmm....what can we do in 5 minutes?
8. Trainer: "You can get a really good one-on-one training/health assessment/be the best you can be at everything for only $250 a month".  Me: {thinking in my head} yes and I could also make a car payment on a Lexus for that much and pretend I don't have kids.  Out loud, "I don't believe that is in the budget".

I'm sure I could come up with more snarkiness but I'll leave it there.  To be fair, the personal trainers were very nice and have done their very best to work with me.  The truth is that I'm just as alien to them as they are to me.  How could someone be so naive about how much time and effort and determination it takes to have a great body?  Yep, that's me.  I believe if I wish it, it should come true.  Well, that's what I'd like to believe because reality is really just too annoying.  Anyway, that's what I got.

Class Reunion Milestone

Ok, so even getting older means there are milestones.  Milestones are great when you are little and everyone cheers you on.  There aren't so many cheering when you hit milestones after 30.  I know being an adult means that you hold yourself up and do it yourself.  We are always teaching our kids those lessons and we want them to be DIY adults.  Even though I know all that, it can still be a little frightening when those milestones come around.

Case in point.  I recently had my 20 year class reunion.  I have to say that when I graduated high school I had no intention of EVER going back.  That time in my life was full of decisions I had made or circumstances that surrounded me that made me want to run like the wind and never look back.  So even thinking about going to the reunion made me wonder at my sanity and my thought process.  As the day got nearer, I started to feel panicky and I wanted to bail.  Thankfully my husband was supportive and told me that it really wasn't something to panic about.  The day of the reunion, I thought I didn't have anything to wear (why do I always fall back on that excuse?).  As I'm at the store, trying on I don't know how many jeans that all seemed to be made for a body style that isn't mine (even though the tag AND the sign said curvy, waist below the natural waist, and no gap).  I was in the dressing room looking at a disaster when it occurred to me, these people I haven't seen in 20 years don't give a @%$% about what I'm wearing.  They will either like me or not, just like high school.  So I gathered up my stuff and my dignity and came home a happier person.  It was a turning point for me.  Of course I was nervous and still had my heart in my throat when I arrived but it was OK.  Yep, there were people there that either liked me or they didn't.  I had a good time talking to the one's that either liked me or did a good job pretending and hearing about their lives.  At the end of the evening, I went to a B&B with my husband who I know truly loves me and I had a great weekend.

So why am I writing about this?  Because it seems the milestones in life, no matter what age, can be scary, exhilarating, and flat out hard to face, but I walk away from them with more knowledge in my head about who I am and where I stand as a person.  So what did I learn?  Living in the past is exhausting.  I not only thought about all the blunders, all out gaffs, people I hurt , hurt me or how I hurt myself, I also had to keep up with what's going on present day.  It's so much easier to live right now!  I walked away that night with the promise of some renewed friendships from high school and the knowledge that no matter how life twists and turns, what mistakes I've made or will make, it's still a good idea to be me and not what I think people want me to be.  The hardest part about all that is to accept myself as I am.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

I'm working on it...

The Ardent Explorers Episode 1

We are back to check in on our super heroes Captain America and Incredible Hulk.  They have been dueling in epic battles and are back in their fortress known as "The Basement" for some training exercises....

Hulk: "Captain America it is important that we keep up our skills so that we can fight the evil forces, lets hit each other with swords"
CA: "OK, I am much taller than you so I'm going to win every time.  That's OK though because it will teach you lessons."
Hulk: "No, no, you're not supposed to hit me so hard!  Wait, wait, let me find a shield.  I forgot to get that!"
CA: "In battle you must use what you can find, I'm much stronger so you better watch out!" "OWW, why did you throw that!" "You little squirt, you'll pay for that!"
Hulk: "I'm using what I found in battle!" "You can use your shield, that didn't hurt right?"
CA: "Too late now, you're going to feel the fury of Captain America!"
Hulk: "AAHHHHH, MOM, I'm telling Mom!!"

There is a break in the training to inspect wounds and go over the rules of engagement with fellow heroes versus with the enemy (Invisible Evil Forces).  All harms have been acknowledged and the super heroes have decided that training out in the open would be advisable (per Mom's request/requirement).  The action continues....

Hulk: "We should build a trap for the Evil Conqueror.  Let's dig a hole at the bottom of the stairs.  Then when he comes down he will fall right in and be swallowed up!  I will find sharp sticks to put at the bottom.
CA: "Yes, that's great!  I'll dig it 100 feet to the center of the Earth and then he can never get out!"
Hulk: "Let's put rocks in it too!  They will be sharp and hurt his feet!"

Sometime later....

Hulk: "Mom, I have something for you to see.  Will you come here?  {Loud Whispering}CA let's have Mom test it out.  If she falls in, it's perfect for the Evil Conqueror!  Hide, hide she's coming.  Get behind this toy truck, she won't see us!"
CA: "MOM, are you coming?"

Will the trap that they have created for the Evil Conqueror be just what they need?  Will they unwittingly injure their greatest ally? 

Find out next time in Episode 2 of The Ardent Explorers.   

Loosing It

You know this summer was pretty epic.  I had a blast with all my boys and there was also lots of drama.  I was talking to one of my friends or should I say my one friend (HaHa - no really) and telling her that I feel like I'm going to loose it at any moment.  She had something very wise to say.  So why don't you loose it?  UmmK, at first my mind went to what that would look like to the world and basically it would be me playing the part of Joan of Arc taking on the world and going up in a blaze of fire one moment and the next me cowering in the corner saying, "My precious" while I stroked my lobotomized head.  That last bit too graphic? Yeah, it was for me too so I quickly moved on to ask my friend what she meant. Thinking that maybe she had a more sane approach to "loosing it".  Of course she did.  She said it's better to let go of all that emotion and show people you don't have it all together, especially your children.  She said, "How are they going to learn to deal with set backs, hurts and disappointments if you don't show them how you deal with it?"  Wow, that was so right on with me.  I'm the "Suck it up" queen.  I don't know how many times I've swallowed my sobs and tears to get moving on with life.  It really hit home when the Hulk said to me one day, "Mommy, do you cry?"  What? Well, yeah I think so, not recently but, ok not this year but that time when you..., ok I need to let them see my emotions more.  I've mostly been in "There's no crying in baseball" jobs where if you acted all "girlie" they would eat you alive.  Now I'm teaching my boys that girls don't cry?  They are either in for a very rude awakening or I'm going to have some serious throwdowns with the girls they choose.

So here's a couple of instances of the things I've sucked up this summer and how I really wanted to behave:

• Our first real "just our family" camping trip started off the summer and Batman had a pot of hot coffee explode in his face that had us at the ER; How I handled it: got irritated with my husband for doing that to himself (because that's so what he wanted to do), drove to the ER (which was actually surrounded by corn/soybean fields) with two stinky rowdy boys (I also may have been a little ripe) and a husband in serious pain, drove my husband to the campsite so he could drive home and rest, finished the camping trip; How I wanted to behave: Start crying instantly and panic because half his face was burned, end the camping trip NOW.
• My husband had a total hip replacement and to put it nicely, his pain wasn't managed well by the hospital doctors.  How I handled it:  I held back tears as my husband screamed in pain so I could find a doctor who would do something after an hour and a half of indecision; How I wanted to behave: WTF would someone please get a competent Dr. on this floor so my husband can stop going into shock (all the while screaming and cursing) and then melt on the floor in a puddle of tears and sobs.
• Watching the Hulk (my little one) walk away from me to get on the bus for Kindergarten.  How I handled it: Took video on my phone, told him to have a good first day, and went to work; How I wanted to behave: Start crying and hold him remembering when he was born.  Walk him hand in hand to school and be there for him when he got home.

Ok, so I'm admitting it now.  I'm a hot mess of emotions and I need to at least let them out on a more daily/weekly/monthly basis.  I recently decided that it was time to just sit and let most of those "Suck it up" moments from this summer go.  Thankfully, Batman understands me better than I do sometimes and he just hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.  Sometimes that is what it takes.  Someone just giving a crap about your crap for a second or two or more.  For those of you that need it to be said, stop sucking it up all the time and just take the moment you need.  Who cares if you don't have it all together, who said you had to anyway?  If you need a shoulder to lean/cry on, I'm willing to be there.

Measure of Fun

This Father's Day weekend was one of those weekends where we all walked away happy.  I have to give some background before I tell my tale.  When I was growing up and even now, my Dad's side of the family was/is really close.  Not just relationship wise but also in proximity.  There's a couple families that live across the street from each other.  When I was a kid, we didn't live that close and it seemed like a lifetime away.  The families were always getting together and having fun.  Usually our family would be part of the holiday gatherings, you know Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving.  I looked forward to those gatherings for many reasons.  One was the ever present laughter and game playing, and another was the greatest thing a kid can have, autonomy!  Once all the kids were together, the adults stopped paying attention.  There were a few of us older kids so the adults didn't seem to worry.  We didn't check in with the adults unless we were hungry, or someone was bleeding.  It was the best feeling in the world!  Of course, there was a hierarchy and my brother was the oldest so he seemed to be supreme ruler but we played and conspired and battled and listened to the Beach Boys for many uninterrupted hours.

So I told you all that because that experience is what I want for my boys.  I want them to play something that was their idea.  Imagining big huge worlds that have them as the creators and destroyers.  There's something about that kind of play that builds confidence and gives kids a sense of self.  These days so much of a kid's world is imagined and created for them.  The toys are already built with something in mind.  They all come as sets and each one builds on the other so there is no room for interpretation.  Of course, because of that the toys are also awesome.  I wouldn't stop them from having those toys, but what I really love is when they come together with simple toys and create an intricate world of their own.

That was this past Father's Day weekend.  My boys went to my Aunt's house (by the way, she's the mom of three of my cousins) which is an old Victorian home (I think, I don't really know my architecture) and it has this fabulous attic, great cellar like basement, two porches, and two sets of staircases.  What an great house for imagination!  My boys played with their cousins and had epic journeys throughout that house!  There were wars, aliens, ghosts, monsters, girl cooties, take no prisoners, water balloon fights, mud hole swimming, wagon rides down the hill, destruction of plants (so sorry Auntie B), and exploration of all unknown worlds.  There was sweat, there was hunger, there were tears, there was blood (several different kids) and there were ear to ear grins.  You can't get any better than that!

So as we were finally home and getting ready for bed, the Hulk, who's notorious for not being sleepy at bedtime, was so tired that we laid him into bed and he didn't move until morning.  Captain America started counting up his "wounds".  I bandaged a total of eight wounds.  Some that needed it and some that really just needed time.  I was amazed at some of the locations and asked how he got them.  His answer was to shrug and say, "We had a really good time!"  Now that is a true measure of fun.

Batman

I want to take a moment to talk about my husband (Batman).  He is a wonderful, caring, hard working man who is always doing his best for our family.  We have had many scary and crazy moments in our life together and he has always lived up to the challenge.  One of the many reasons I love him is that he believes in leading by example.  He knows that good men don't just happen.  It starts when they are boys.  Our boys see their dad as the strongest man they know.  One day they were discussing who they liked best as superheros and Hulk asked me if Daddy was as strong as a superhero.  I turned the question back on him just to see what he would say.  Hulk said, "Daddy is so strong, I bet he could pick up a train!"  That made me smile because I remember thinking that about my dad.  I remember that in thinking he was physically strong, I also thought he could handle anything that happened.  I believe that's exactly what our boys think.  Kids see the outer strength and know the inner strength is there too.

Batman, just like in the movies, is pretty good at staying cool under pressure.  There are so many moments with kids and especially with raising superheros where you are on the edge and about to lose it (or already falling).  I don't know how many times he has kept me from that edge or at least stopped me from landing on my face (or someone else).  It seems when I have come to my very last idea on helping our boys see the error of their ways, he has an idea that works!  My most favorite technique that Batman has is to wear the boys down.  I don't mean berate them into a pulp.  I mean a full fledged lecture on the importance of honesty, integrity, kindness, etc!  Guess what, my dad was really good at doing that too!  Let me tell you, I almost wished to have my hind end heated up versus the lecture and I hate pain!  I remember those lectures more than any butt whooping I received.  I remember having to repeat back to my dad what I was going to do and what I was not going to do.  I hated to disappoint my dad. I'm hoping that is the case with our boys too!

I believe I have found a treasure in my Batman.  In these days where many men rarely stick around, much less tough it out, where they stop talking and start walking, I have found a man who doesn't put up with silliness, stands up for what he believes, says, "I love you" to his boys, hugs and kisses them anytime, willingly reads the same good-night book over and over until it's memorized, makes wonderful dinners, cleans the kitchen, changes diapers (now of other people's babies), mows the lawn, fixes cars (including those that aren't ours), helps me pick out a pair of jeans that look good on me, washes and folds laundry, whispers sweet nothings in my ear, tells me how sexy I am, waters the garden, picks up dog poop and this is just on one of his days off! I guess I just want to say how absolutely satisfying it is to have someone to lean on, stand next to, and to be the father our kids need.

I love you babe!

Mine is bigger

I don't know how many times in my life I have dealt with "adult boys", Ok, men ( I say "adult boy" because I don't believe boys ever grow up - that's why we love them so much) where one man is talking about something and how great it is and the other man starts talking about how his is so much better.  I believe we could all recall a conversation or two.  I never was sure where to stand when those conversations came up or I've chalked it up to girls being around and so they want to show how great they are, or how much better they are.  Forget that whole line of thought.  I'm sorry girls but we don't even come into the equation when they start talking like that (ok, maybe on a few occasions).  I'm convinced boys think like that from birth and talk like that from the day they can form sentences.  I don't know how many times I have heard just this past weekend the "Mine is Bigger" scenario.  Here's a few examples:

"Hulk, look at my french fry!  It's so huge!....Hulk: "Mine is bigger"
"Captain America, look at the bubble I made!....CA: "Mine is bigger"
"Captain America, look at the skid mark my tire made!....CA: "Look, I made mine longer" (ok, it varies a little but still the same concept)
"Hulk, look how big my name is on the driveway (with chalk - I know some of you were wondering)....Hulk: "Mine is bigger"

It is amazing to me what lengths these boys will go to make whatever they are doing bigger than their brother's or friend's.  I have seen them jump off of places that made me close my eyes, create stacks of toys that defy the laws of gravity, balance on tightropes that would make circus performers proud, and pretty much throw all caution to the wind.  Not like there is a huge amount of risk management going on in those fabulous brains anyway.  This "Mine is bigger" can be very exhausting to deal with because it seems to be where "I Triple Dog Dare You" came from.  Being the biggest is only confirmed once the other boy has had a chance to test the theory.  The good thing is that eventually someone is or has "the biggest" and they move on to something else.

You may be wondering why I chose to share this bit of information.  I think for me it was an epiphany to the whole "boy" thing.  They are just like that.  Trying to change them is like stripping away a part of them.  I just have to let them figure out who's the biggest at what and then they figure out what they are good at.  Of course that means settling a lot of arguments, and redirecting interesting behavior, but if that helps them become good men (adult boys) then I'll do my best.  Plus right now - I'm the Biggest!!

P.S. I think that's why the boys like the books "I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean" and "Shark Vs. Train" - check them out, they are really cute books.  Just like the boys that love to read them!

Possible Script

So as you know my boys are Superheros and are continually righting the wrongs in this world.  I was thinking that it may be interesting to put together a script of what their comic book would be.  For this to work you will have to bring your imagination to the table since I did not inherit the artistic gene from any of my fabulous family that are so artistically creative.  Ok, I can't draw, I mean at all.  So I'm going to try to paint you a backdrop with words.

The comic book centers around Captain America and the Incredible Hulk.  They are the ultimate superheros.  Their world is full of turmoil.  Aliens are continually invading and wars break out at every turn.  Although the sun may be shining, it is a chaotic world that they live in.  Their massive muscular bodies can handle any foe and they have the ability to turn any common object into the exact weapon or vehicle they need to defeat their foes.   Since the combat zone is riddled with explosions, they have to yell at the top of their lungs to communicate.  Let's focus in on their epic heroism in action...

Captain America: "Hulk we need to move quickly.  There is no time to waste.  Aliens have landed in the tree and we need to attack now!"
Hulk: "Ok, let's take our rocket blaster.  It has fifty hundred missiles attached and it will explode their heads!"
CA: "Good, you push me because I'm the leader"
Hulk: "I pushed you last time!"
CA: "I'm the only one who has the missile launcher code!"
Hulk: "I don't need the codes, I can smash their heads in!"
CA: "Ok, I'll push, but then you have to hold all my weapons"
Hulk: "Let's grab that trailer and attach it to our rocket blaster, it can hold all the weapons"
CA: "How will it stay attached to the rocket blaster?"
Hulk: "I'll hold onto it as you're pushing."
CA: "The aliens are attacking, run and grab my weapons!"
Hulk: "I think water will defeat them, let's get the hose!"
CA: "Mom said we can't use the hose!"
Hulk: "but we have to defeat the aliens, come to this side of the house, she can't see us!"
CA: "Quick run, Mom's coming and the aliens are right beside her!" "Mom, it was Hulk's idea!"
Hulk: "Mom, I needed to wash poop off my foot, and the aliens were coming that's how I got all wet!"
CA: "Run, run, run!!!"
This is a momentary pause in the action where Hulk's pants are changed due to being drenched and the fact that it is 45 degrees outside.  Although Hulk can defeat anyone, getting a cold is still possible.  Since Mom threatened timeout, defeating the aliens with water is not an option at the moment.  Back to the action...
Hulk: "Captain America, those aliens are still in the tree.  Get the rocket blaster ship, We need to climb on it to reach those aliens."
CA: "I don't like to be up that high, you know I'm afraid of heights."
Hulk: "It's ok CA, I'll help you.  When I was little I was afraid too!"
CA: "I"m not little, I'm just afraid of heights!"
Hulk: "I'll get something that will help us not fall out of the tree.  Mom, where's the tape?"
CA: "You go first, I have your back"
Hulk: "All you have to do is swing from this limb, jump up to this one, and OOOWWW!  Don't go that way, there's a big man-eating trilobite that will attack you.  See it just scraped skin off my leg!"
CA: "OOOHHH, you have blood coming out!  Quick you could die if you don't get a bandaid!"
Hulk: "No, no, no it's ok.  Just a little blood.  Quick use your rockets the aliens are trying to grab my hand.  I'm going to fall out of the tree!"
CA: "I got the aliens!  YEESSS, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 'BOUT!!!"  "Mom, Hulk fell out of the tree!!"
 And so the superheros, Captain America and Incredible Hulk, have once again defeated those foul smelling, slime breathing villians we call aliens.  Be sure to look for the next story that has our heros defeating those villians known as, Fairy Princesses.


So that's a short excerpt of their comic book series.  I'm never short on breathless fighting and overlooking the precipice of pending doom.  It's really quite exciting and I'm always wondering what sort of epic journey the backyard will become.

My brand of Asperger's

Since this is Autism Awareness month, I thought I would write a little bit about my wonderful boy Captain America.  He is such a loving boy with 210% love to give.  He has made our lives so much richer by being born.  I recently went to hear Jesse Saperstein (what a great experience) talk about his life with Asperger's and it really got me thinking about Captain America and the things that make him unique.  Jesse talked about how everyone is different and that there are indicators for Autism but they are all manifested differently.  I think that's what makes it so hard for someone who has no idea about Autism (and even for some that do) to figure out how to react.  When someone can't physically "see" a disability, it's even harder to have compassion and understanding.

Captain America is the opposite of Rainman.  He is very friendly and loves to be around people and be in the middle of everything.  He is always trying to be a friend to someone.  As a parent the hardest part about that, is to see him get rejected for all his quirks.  Until recently, he really had no friends.  He has constant "theme music".  I call it that because he sings or hums pretty much all the time and the music changes based on what he's doing.  If he is out conquering the world or feels overwhelmed, it is rock and roll.  If he is super happy he has this sweet melody that really captures people's hearts if they are listening.  This "theme music" is hard for a lot of kids to understand.  I think they think he's trying to drown out what they have to say, but in reality I think his brain is playing a musical score.  I've always wanted to have a musical score for my life.  I guess I just have to see if he'll create one for me some day. 

So the change came around when he was diagnosed as having both ADHD and Aspergers.  They said the ADHD is what was the most problematic for him in school and social settings.  Since he couldn't slow his brain down enough to stay in one place, it caused havoc for him to learn reading, writing, and understand social behavior (also Aspergers).  We agonized over the suggestion to put him on medication, but thought about all the things he wanted to do but struggled at because of ADHD.  The medication has given him a chance to catch up to almost grade level on reading and writing.  He is able to slow down enough to start to try to learn the complexities of social interaction (I don't think I do so well with that myself- say what you mean for goodness sake!).

The interesting thing is that he is still Captain America, which is what I was really worried about with medication.  I was worried it would change who he was altogether.  I like that he is unique.  Maybe that sounds weird to those who just want their kids to fit it, but I love that he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't like him.  I love that he loves making people laugh (problematic at school because farts are always funny).  I love that he has a running list of people in his head who are his friends and who he still needs to win over.  I love that he knows he can do anything that he puts his mind to doing.  I love that he believes that it is his duty to save mankind.  I love that he loves everything about China.  I love that he thinks he can make up his own language and that since he has spoken it, I should automatically understand it.  I love that his compassion overflows and makes people "have" to at least acknowledge him.  I love that he enjoys knowing every detail about something he cares about.  No stone unturned with him.  What a great person to have in our world today.

I see him working daily to try to understand his world.  He is so excited when he recognizes a "feeling" on someone's face.  He says, "Mom, that woman on TV is really upset isn't she?" and it's then that I realize that last year he wouldn't have even noticed that.  I don't believe that medication did that for him.  What I believe is that medication gave him the opportunity to actually slow down to smell the roses that helped him compose his theme song.  I'll try to explain a little more.  Many people think that because he doesn't react, he hasn't heard or doesn't care, but the truth is while others are taking in portions of their environment, he is taking in all of his environment at once.  It all hits him in one big symphony.  He hears, sees, smells, and tastes it all at once.  I believe this is why he sometimes gets overwhelmed and overexcited.  Being able to slow down enough to see the small details in his world is really difficult.  He now has that opportunity.

Having said that, Captain America isn't a huge fan of the medication.  He gets why he takes it for school and some other activities but really he loves the world in one big blurry chunk.  I love him for that too.  He likes to negotiate so we agreed that when he doesn't have school he doesn't take the meds.  I believe that he should have a say in how his life goes.  At 7, the say is a small percentage (or we would have a cannon and a catapult in our backyard) but I'm looking ahead to the day he is able to drive away and I want him to be able to take care of himself.

So life is complicated.  We all have our ups and downs.  We all have parts of our lives that people, including our family, can't or won't understand.  The great thing about having Captain America in my life, is that he has taught me about compromise, compassion, pure joy, unconditional love, determination, negotiation, advocacy, and to just try to stand in someone else's shoes for a minute.  As a humans, any of those things can be hard to wrap our mortal arms around and I'm so glad I have Captain America and all my boys to help me work through them everyday.

Career Choices

How often do we think about what our children are going to become?  It seems like all the time.  I want my boys to be responsible, productive members of society and so I do my best to help them learn about consequences.  They have heard that word many times and often their reply is "No, I don't want there to be consequences!"  Yeah, me too, me too.  So in my mind, as with probably all caring parents, we have thoughts of what their futures will be.  I had a flash this weekend of Incredible Hulk's future and here's a little taste of it.

Incredible Hulk (my youngest) asks, "Mom will you push me in the toy car?"  I say, "Sure, get in."  This toy car is one of those hard plastic kinds with a roof , a door that opens to get in, a steering wheel, and several other features that make it look like one of those tiny Smart Cars that are out on the road.  In theory, this car is propelled by foot power.  My boys have figured out how to get around the foot power and go faster.  It includes putting your feet up on either side of the steering wheel and have them sticking out the windshield.  So really the only thing keeping them from falling through to the bottom is their narrow behinds and their hands on the steering wheel.  Ok, that's something I would have done as a kid.  Here's where it goes past something I would have tried as a kid (today there's no way one of my legs could fit into that thing much less my "narrow" behind).  As I'm jogging while pushing this toy car, Hulk says to me, "Keep it straight Mom", ok not too hard, and he bails out of the car while it's in motion!  He does the tuck and roll like he's been doing this all his life (all 4 almost 5 years of it)!  It makes me laugh so hard I have to stop the car but Hulk is yelling at me, "Keep it straight Mom, I'm going to jump back in!"  I just couldn't keep going.  I was giggling too hard.  Hulk thinks I'm funny and starts laughing too.  After I get control of myself, at the insistence of Hulk, I get moving again being sure, with his prompting, to "Keep 'er straight."  He seemed like an expert.  He knew the best speed to roll out of the car while curling up into this cute ball and just how to scrunch his body up to get into the car's tiny opening, of course, while it was moving.

So it occurs to me, is this my glimpse into what he's going to be doing for a living?  Will I have a stuntman for a son?  He always seems to be attempting some climbing, jumping, running, moving feat that requires some calculated (or not so calculated) risk.  I think he would be a great stuntman.  Would I be a bad Mom to encourage it?  I've decided no.  That may make me a lunatic, but what kind of Mom would I be if I don't recognize his talents?  This doesn't mean I'm going right out to sign him up for stunt school.  Do they have those?  What it does mean is when he comes to me and asks me for various supplies like large suction cups, tape, and some string (he has asked for those things to climb the wall).  I will be sure to point out some physics such as his weight and how large the suction cups would need to be.

So bottom line for me is, being a Mom of my boys means understanding their talents and having the courage to enjoy and encourage their ideas.  Whew! this is the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done.  Wish me luck, because the world needs stuntman!

Split Personality

So I've been thinking about how often I am at war with myself.  I am undoubtedly a Mom, but I am also a fun loving person that loves to have adventures.  It does work out really well to have two rowdy boys.  These two things about me are often in conflict with each other.  On the one hand I must keep my super heros safe and keep a handle on the chaos.  On the other hand I love to see their faces when a new adventure is about to happen.  So I always have a running list of the things I will need "in case", so we can have the best time say for example playing in the mud with a stick.  This means the list would look like this:

•  Change of clothes for when playing in the mud with a stick is no longer fun; not to mention thinking about what pair of shoes they should have on first - Thank God for the invention of crocks
• Supply of water for thirsty boys but also if there needs to be more mud
• Tool for fashioning a really good stick or for turning a sharp one into a "safe" one
• Snacks for replenishing and a bribe to stop the playing in the mud
• Band-aids and ointment - you know that the odds of playing in mud with a stick with two boys and one being the older brother and one being the younger brother that there will be blood shed.  If you don't know this by now, I suggest never taking them outside or really letting them play together. (as an after thought - maybe it's just my boys)
• Camera or phone so that those very cute faces can be photographed for future display and coercion.  I have to admit I am really bad with remembering this one

So as you see I'm always in risk management mode as "Mom".  The adventurer side of me comes up with these ridiculous ideas that are fun and crazy and involve me being at my optimum level of energy.  I'm always trying to figure out how I can do the fun things with just one of me.  The ultimate option would be for me to be able to actually duplicate myself and the Mom body could go take a nap.  By the way, why is it that naps are such a horrible word to kids (I remember I hated them too)?  I would love a nap! 

Anyway, this really all leads to the brilliant idea I had this weekend.  I would like to preface this by saying that I may have not been at my optimum strength and risk management capabilities.  The boys got some money from their Aunt G (who always makes the boys feel special) and it was burning a hole in Captain America's pocket.  I'm saying that because Hulk had to be convinced to take his money.  He's perfectly fine with everyone else buying things for him.  He likes his money in the bank (not bad for a kid who's 4 almost 5).  We went to an outdoors store with Batman's Mom and Dad.  Guess what Captain America had his mind set to buy?  I know many things may be running through your head but I'll keep suspense out of this.  A bow and arrow(s)!  Batman's Mom did her best to stop this thinking by not being able to "find" an appropriate bow for his age (i.e. one without really sharp points) but I being the "Adventurer" at the time turned right around a found one.  We not only found one for Captain America but the Hulk got one too (he thought that was definitely worth spending HIS money on)!  For the love of humanity have I lost my mind?  Clearly "Mom" thinking was not involved in this process at all!  So as you can imagine my list has just gotten longer.  Where is the closest ER?  I will post about the bow and arrow adventures another time when I have recovered from the shock of it all.  I will just say that thankfully as of this moment no one has gone to the ER.

The Start

I've been meaning to start a blog for a long time.  I decided that it was time to write down some of the funny, hard, mundane, tragic, and down right "This has to be written down somewhere" moments our family has with each other.  

There are times like yesterday when the Incredible Hulk (youngest son for those that haven't read my profile yet) decided that walking the 100ft. to the house was too much for a potty break.  The tree was way more convenient.  He also may have been helping the tree who knows (this is how he thinks).  So out of my mouth comes, "Hulk, come in the house and have double time out, you know you have been told that peeing outside is only for camping or when no bathroom is available."  

So here are the things that have occurred to me:

• I don't think 10 years ago I would have even imagined that those words would have come out of my mouth
• Notice he's been warned before so this is not a new issue
• Why am I punishing him for having solutions to his problems?  It's more than our own government is doing.  Maybe he can be a future government leader - too forward thinking? Ok
• I wish I could pee outside when I couldn't hold it any longer and get away with it (not the cute little kid I once was)
• I wonder how many times he has gone and not got caught?

So this is why I've started my blog - to have it written down that our family is functional, dysfunctional, normal, abnormal, creative, and destructive.  We wouldn't want it any other way.  I love my boys!