Some Snarkiness

How is it that life can move so fast?  Just yesterday I was wearing shorts and having fun in the sun and now Thanksgiving is over and the Christmas lists have started!  I haven't blogged in a while partly because I have been overwhelmed with life and it's many twists and turns and partly because I've been kinda crabby about those twists and turns.  Just so you know crabby=deep dark thoughts that don't do anyone any good.  So I've come out of the crabby phase and thought that maybe a snarky blog would be fun and because basically that's what's rolling around in my head.  By the way, snarky is much better than deep dark (in case you start reading this and think snarky is too much).

So what's snarky?  I'll tell you:

I've come to realize that watching your kids run around like maniacs and refereeing these antics don't equal actual exercise.  Yeah, who knew?  Well I sure didn't, because I'm just as tired as though I'd been running at least a half marathon.  In fact, I think I would be less tired running a half marathon.  So when did I have this realization?  I'm sure you already know the answer but here it is: putting on my pants.  Yep, you knew it didn't you.  I can only tell myself the pants have shrunk in the wash so long.  Also, I'm not a fan of tight and uncomfortable, I'll leave that up to the teenagers/younger adults who haven't figured out yet that tight and skimpy has repercussions such as constipation and frostbite.  Anyway, this realization stirred me to subject my husband to yet another of my great ideas.  A new gym membership!  He actually is pretty happy with the idea, but then again he just thinks about getting into shape and it seems his body responds, mine goes into hibernation.  Along with this membership came some free personal trainer sessions.  I was very excited about this.  I've never had one of those sessions and thought it would be very beneficial.  They were very beneficial and I learned new things about the way I'm eating and how to exercise more productively.  Ok, that aside, these people have no idea what it's like to be a working mom, have an erratic schedule, and live within a budget!  So here's some reasons I think personal trainers and their "healthier you" suggestions don't live on my planet:

1. I believe if I took all the suggested supplements for a healthier me, I would smell like a vitamin and look like one too.
2. Whey protein drinks are not tasty.  They are like a shot of Tequila: tough to get down, may cause a little of the gag reflex, and you may regret what you say afterwards.
3. Exercising "at least 3 times a week" is a pipe dream.  Unless exercising between 9pm-12am  and not being able to sleep until 2 am counts as healthy.
4. Trainer: "What does your routine look like?" ; Me: Silence, "I'm not sure what you're asking".
5. After speaking at length about my work schedule and how my husband's rotates every other week. Trainer: "Do you think you could make it to the gym during the day?"; Me: "Hmmm, I think we talked about this already" more silence.
6. Trainer: "I'm going to give you some exercises you can do anywhere, even at work.  So you will want to have a really large ball for some of these."  Really?  at work?  with children?
7. They suggested that I figure out my goals and they would design a plan that could work around my schedule.  My goals are simple, loose weight and look great!  My schedule....hmmm....what can we do in 5 minutes?
8. Trainer: "You can get a really good one-on-one training/health assessment/be the best you can be at everything for only $250 a month".  Me: {thinking in my head} yes and I could also make a car payment on a Lexus for that much and pretend I don't have kids.  Out loud, "I don't believe that is in the budget".

I'm sure I could come up with more snarkiness but I'll leave it there.  To be fair, the personal trainers were very nice and have done their very best to work with me.  The truth is that I'm just as alien to them as they are to me.  How could someone be so naive about how much time and effort and determination it takes to have a great body?  Yep, that's me.  I believe if I wish it, it should come true.  Well, that's what I'd like to believe because reality is really just too annoying.  Anyway, that's what I got.

Class Reunion Milestone

Ok, so even getting older means there are milestones.  Milestones are great when you are little and everyone cheers you on.  There aren't so many cheering when you hit milestones after 30.  I know being an adult means that you hold yourself up and do it yourself.  We are always teaching our kids those lessons and we want them to be DIY adults.  Even though I know all that, it can still be a little frightening when those milestones come around.

Case in point.  I recently had my 20 year class reunion.  I have to say that when I graduated high school I had no intention of EVER going back.  That time in my life was full of decisions I had made or circumstances that surrounded me that made me want to run like the wind and never look back.  So even thinking about going to the reunion made me wonder at my sanity and my thought process.  As the day got nearer, I started to feel panicky and I wanted to bail.  Thankfully my husband was supportive and told me that it really wasn't something to panic about.  The day of the reunion, I thought I didn't have anything to wear (why do I always fall back on that excuse?).  As I'm at the store, trying on I don't know how many jeans that all seemed to be made for a body style that isn't mine (even though the tag AND the sign said curvy, waist below the natural waist, and no gap).  I was in the dressing room looking at a disaster when it occurred to me, these people I haven't seen in 20 years don't give a @%$% about what I'm wearing.  They will either like me or not, just like high school.  So I gathered up my stuff and my dignity and came home a happier person.  It was a turning point for me.  Of course I was nervous and still had my heart in my throat when I arrived but it was OK.  Yep, there were people there that either liked me or they didn't.  I had a good time talking to the one's that either liked me or did a good job pretending and hearing about their lives.  At the end of the evening, I went to a B&B with my husband who I know truly loves me and I had a great weekend.

So why am I writing about this?  Because it seems the milestones in life, no matter what age, can be scary, exhilarating, and flat out hard to face, but I walk away from them with more knowledge in my head about who I am and where I stand as a person.  So what did I learn?  Living in the past is exhausting.  I not only thought about all the blunders, all out gaffs, people I hurt , hurt me or how I hurt myself, I also had to keep up with what's going on present day.  It's so much easier to live right now!  I walked away that night with the promise of some renewed friendships from high school and the knowledge that no matter how life twists and turns, what mistakes I've made or will make, it's still a good idea to be me and not what I think people want me to be.  The hardest part about all that is to accept myself as I am.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

I'm working on it...

The Ardent Explorers Episode 1

We are back to check in on our super heroes Captain America and Incredible Hulk.  They have been dueling in epic battles and are back in their fortress known as "The Basement" for some training exercises....

Hulk: "Captain America it is important that we keep up our skills so that we can fight the evil forces, lets hit each other with swords"
CA: "OK, I am much taller than you so I'm going to win every time.  That's OK though because it will teach you lessons."
Hulk: "No, no, you're not supposed to hit me so hard!  Wait, wait, let me find a shield.  I forgot to get that!"
CA: "In battle you must use what you can find, I'm much stronger so you better watch out!" "OWW, why did you throw that!" "You little squirt, you'll pay for that!"
Hulk: "I'm using what I found in battle!" "You can use your shield, that didn't hurt right?"
CA: "Too late now, you're going to feel the fury of Captain America!"
Hulk: "AAHHHHH, MOM, I'm telling Mom!!"

There is a break in the training to inspect wounds and go over the rules of engagement with fellow heroes versus with the enemy (Invisible Evil Forces).  All harms have been acknowledged and the super heroes have decided that training out in the open would be advisable (per Mom's request/requirement).  The action continues....

Hulk: "We should build a trap for the Evil Conqueror.  Let's dig a hole at the bottom of the stairs.  Then when he comes down he will fall right in and be swallowed up!  I will find sharp sticks to put at the bottom.
CA: "Yes, that's great!  I'll dig it 100 feet to the center of the Earth and then he can never get out!"
Hulk: "Let's put rocks in it too!  They will be sharp and hurt his feet!"

Sometime later....

Hulk: "Mom, I have something for you to see.  Will you come here?  {Loud Whispering}CA let's have Mom test it out.  If she falls in, it's perfect for the Evil Conqueror!  Hide, hide she's coming.  Get behind this toy truck, she won't see us!"
CA: "MOM, are you coming?"

Will the trap that they have created for the Evil Conqueror be just what they need?  Will they unwittingly injure their greatest ally? 

Find out next time in Episode 2 of The Ardent Explorers.   

Loosing It

You know this summer was pretty epic.  I had a blast with all my boys and there was also lots of drama.  I was talking to one of my friends or should I say my one friend (HaHa - no really) and telling her that I feel like I'm going to loose it at any moment.  She had something very wise to say.  So why don't you loose it?  UmmK, at first my mind went to what that would look like to the world and basically it would be me playing the part of Joan of Arc taking on the world and going up in a blaze of fire one moment and the next me cowering in the corner saying, "My precious" while I stroked my lobotomized head.  That last bit too graphic? Yeah, it was for me too so I quickly moved on to ask my friend what she meant. Thinking that maybe she had a more sane approach to "loosing it".  Of course she did.  She said it's better to let go of all that emotion and show people you don't have it all together, especially your children.  She said, "How are they going to learn to deal with set backs, hurts and disappointments if you don't show them how you deal with it?"  Wow, that was so right on with me.  I'm the "Suck it up" queen.  I don't know how many times I've swallowed my sobs and tears to get moving on with life.  It really hit home when the Hulk said to me one day, "Mommy, do you cry?"  What? Well, yeah I think so, not recently but, ok not this year but that time when you..., ok I need to let them see my emotions more.  I've mostly been in "There's no crying in baseball" jobs where if you acted all "girlie" they would eat you alive.  Now I'm teaching my boys that girls don't cry?  They are either in for a very rude awakening or I'm going to have some serious throwdowns with the girls they choose.

So here's a couple of instances of the things I've sucked up this summer and how I really wanted to behave:

• Our first real "just our family" camping trip started off the summer and Batman had a pot of hot coffee explode in his face that had us at the ER; How I handled it: got irritated with my husband for doing that to himself (because that's so what he wanted to do), drove to the ER (which was actually surrounded by corn/soybean fields) with two stinky rowdy boys (I also may have been a little ripe) and a husband in serious pain, drove my husband to the campsite so he could drive home and rest, finished the camping trip; How I wanted to behave: Start crying instantly and panic because half his face was burned, end the camping trip NOW.
• My husband had a total hip replacement and to put it nicely, his pain wasn't managed well by the hospital doctors.  How I handled it:  I held back tears as my husband screamed in pain so I could find a doctor who would do something after an hour and a half of indecision; How I wanted to behave: WTF would someone please get a competent Dr. on this floor so my husband can stop going into shock (all the while screaming and cursing) and then melt on the floor in a puddle of tears and sobs.
• Watching the Hulk (my little one) walk away from me to get on the bus for Kindergarten.  How I handled it: Took video on my phone, told him to have a good first day, and went to work; How I wanted to behave: Start crying and hold him remembering when he was born.  Walk him hand in hand to school and be there for him when he got home.

Ok, so I'm admitting it now.  I'm a hot mess of emotions and I need to at least let them out on a more daily/weekly/monthly basis.  I recently decided that it was time to just sit and let most of those "Suck it up" moments from this summer go.  Thankfully, Batman understands me better than I do sometimes and he just hugged me and told me what I needed to hear.  Sometimes that is what it takes.  Someone just giving a crap about your crap for a second or two or more.  For those of you that need it to be said, stop sucking it up all the time and just take the moment you need.  Who cares if you don't have it all together, who said you had to anyway?  If you need a shoulder to lean/cry on, I'm willing to be there.

Measure of Fun

This Father's Day weekend was one of those weekends where we all walked away happy.  I have to give some background before I tell my tale.  When I was growing up and even now, my Dad's side of the family was/is really close.  Not just relationship wise but also in proximity.  There's a couple families that live across the street from each other.  When I was a kid, we didn't live that close and it seemed like a lifetime away.  The families were always getting together and having fun.  Usually our family would be part of the holiday gatherings, you know Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving.  I looked forward to those gatherings for many reasons.  One was the ever present laughter and game playing, and another was the greatest thing a kid can have, autonomy!  Once all the kids were together, the adults stopped paying attention.  There were a few of us older kids so the adults didn't seem to worry.  We didn't check in with the adults unless we were hungry, or someone was bleeding.  It was the best feeling in the world!  Of course, there was a hierarchy and my brother was the oldest so he seemed to be supreme ruler but we played and conspired and battled and listened to the Beach Boys for many uninterrupted hours.

So I told you all that because that experience is what I want for my boys.  I want them to play something that was their idea.  Imagining big huge worlds that have them as the creators and destroyers.  There's something about that kind of play that builds confidence and gives kids a sense of self.  These days so much of a kid's world is imagined and created for them.  The toys are already built with something in mind.  They all come as sets and each one builds on the other so there is no room for interpretation.  Of course, because of that the toys are also awesome.  I wouldn't stop them from having those toys, but what I really love is when they come together with simple toys and create an intricate world of their own.

That was this past Father's Day weekend.  My boys went to my Aunt's house (by the way, she's the mom of three of my cousins) which is an old Victorian home (I think, I don't really know my architecture) and it has this fabulous attic, great cellar like basement, two porches, and two sets of staircases.  What an great house for imagination!  My boys played with their cousins and had epic journeys throughout that house!  There were wars, aliens, ghosts, monsters, girl cooties, take no prisoners, water balloon fights, mud hole swimming, wagon rides down the hill, destruction of plants (so sorry Auntie B), and exploration of all unknown worlds.  There was sweat, there was hunger, there were tears, there was blood (several different kids) and there were ear to ear grins.  You can't get any better than that!

So as we were finally home and getting ready for bed, the Hulk, who's notorious for not being sleepy at bedtime, was so tired that we laid him into bed and he didn't move until morning.  Captain America started counting up his "wounds".  I bandaged a total of eight wounds.  Some that needed it and some that really just needed time.  I was amazed at some of the locations and asked how he got them.  His answer was to shrug and say, "We had a really good time!"  Now that is a true measure of fun.

Batman

I want to take a moment to talk about my husband (Batman).  He is a wonderful, caring, hard working man who is always doing his best for our family.  We have had many scary and crazy moments in our life together and he has always lived up to the challenge.  One of the many reasons I love him is that he believes in leading by example.  He knows that good men don't just happen.  It starts when they are boys.  Our boys see their dad as the strongest man they know.  One day they were discussing who they liked best as superheros and Hulk asked me if Daddy was as strong as a superhero.  I turned the question back on him just to see what he would say.  Hulk said, "Daddy is so strong, I bet he could pick up a train!"  That made me smile because I remember thinking that about my dad.  I remember that in thinking he was physically strong, I also thought he could handle anything that happened.  I believe that's exactly what our boys think.  Kids see the outer strength and know the inner strength is there too.

Batman, just like in the movies, is pretty good at staying cool under pressure.  There are so many moments with kids and especially with raising superheros where you are on the edge and about to lose it (or already falling).  I don't know how many times he has kept me from that edge or at least stopped me from landing on my face (or someone else).  It seems when I have come to my very last idea on helping our boys see the error of their ways, he has an idea that works!  My most favorite technique that Batman has is to wear the boys down.  I don't mean berate them into a pulp.  I mean a full fledged lecture on the importance of honesty, integrity, kindness, etc!  Guess what, my dad was really good at doing that too!  Let me tell you, I almost wished to have my hind end heated up versus the lecture and I hate pain!  I remember those lectures more than any butt whooping I received.  I remember having to repeat back to my dad what I was going to do and what I was not going to do.  I hated to disappoint my dad. I'm hoping that is the case with our boys too!

I believe I have found a treasure in my Batman.  In these days where many men rarely stick around, much less tough it out, where they stop talking and start walking, I have found a man who doesn't put up with silliness, stands up for what he believes, says, "I love you" to his boys, hugs and kisses them anytime, willingly reads the same good-night book over and over until it's memorized, makes wonderful dinners, cleans the kitchen, changes diapers (now of other people's babies), mows the lawn, fixes cars (including those that aren't ours), helps me pick out a pair of jeans that look good on me, washes and folds laundry, whispers sweet nothings in my ear, tells me how sexy I am, waters the garden, picks up dog poop and this is just on one of his days off! I guess I just want to say how absolutely satisfying it is to have someone to lean on, stand next to, and to be the father our kids need.

I love you babe!

Mine is bigger

I don't know how many times in my life I have dealt with "adult boys", Ok, men ( I say "adult boy" because I don't believe boys ever grow up - that's why we love them so much) where one man is talking about something and how great it is and the other man starts talking about how his is so much better.  I believe we could all recall a conversation or two.  I never was sure where to stand when those conversations came up or I've chalked it up to girls being around and so they want to show how great they are, or how much better they are.  Forget that whole line of thought.  I'm sorry girls but we don't even come into the equation when they start talking like that (ok, maybe on a few occasions).  I'm convinced boys think like that from birth and talk like that from the day they can form sentences.  I don't know how many times I have heard just this past weekend the "Mine is Bigger" scenario.  Here's a few examples:

"Hulk, look at my french fry!  It's so huge!....Hulk: "Mine is bigger"
"Captain America, look at the bubble I made!....CA: "Mine is bigger"
"Captain America, look at the skid mark my tire made!....CA: "Look, I made mine longer" (ok, it varies a little but still the same concept)
"Hulk, look how big my name is on the driveway (with chalk - I know some of you were wondering)....Hulk: "Mine is bigger"

It is amazing to me what lengths these boys will go to make whatever they are doing bigger than their brother's or friend's.  I have seen them jump off of places that made me close my eyes, create stacks of toys that defy the laws of gravity, balance on tightropes that would make circus performers proud, and pretty much throw all caution to the wind.  Not like there is a huge amount of risk management going on in those fabulous brains anyway.  This "Mine is bigger" can be very exhausting to deal with because it seems to be where "I Triple Dog Dare You" came from.  Being the biggest is only confirmed once the other boy has had a chance to test the theory.  The good thing is that eventually someone is or has "the biggest" and they move on to something else.

You may be wondering why I chose to share this bit of information.  I think for me it was an epiphany to the whole "boy" thing.  They are just like that.  Trying to change them is like stripping away a part of them.  I just have to let them figure out who's the biggest at what and then they figure out what they are good at.  Of course that means settling a lot of arguments, and redirecting interesting behavior, but if that helps them become good men (adult boys) then I'll do my best.  Plus right now - I'm the Biggest!!

P.S. I think that's why the boys like the books "I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean" and "Shark Vs. Train" - check them out, they are really cute books.  Just like the boys that love to read them!