I don't know if this is just a "me" thing or it happens to a lot of people but I have whole chunks of ideas/trains of thoughts/understanding the world processing that can go through my head in what seems like a split second or the time it takes to take a shower (a little longer than a second). I know I'm not someone who fits into the group very easily so just bear with me if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
So today I had this particular process that came to me almost like it was a dream I had, accept I don't think I was sleeping when I "dreamed" this. This dream was a discussion with an angel about God and how it all worked. Here's how it went:
Me: So how does it all work anyway?
Angel: What do you mean?
Me: You know, what's the meaning of life and how does God keep this all straight? How does it happen that some people die at certain times and other don't?
Angel: Ok, so you mean to tell me you don't have this figured out yet?
Me: Well, no not really, I mean I've read about all different ways it works and...Ok, what about cancer, how does that work? Why do some people get it and others don't?
Angel: I don't know
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Angel: God doesn't sit down and decide who's going to get cancer and who's going to die of what - he doesn't have time for that silly stuff
Me: What do you mean silly? Dying and suffering is a big deal? Didn't God figure that out before we were even born?
Angel: God created energy and energy is always changing shapes and forms - didn't someone already explain this to you?
Me: Yeah, maybe, I might have missed exactly who that was...could you explain?
Angel: {sigh}Ok, here's the deal. So few humans who aren't dying can grasp this so you will probably walk away from this conversation and question it, but here goes...energy is God's wonderful creation. It never dies. It may change in intensity and form but doesn't stop existing. Humans are made up of that energy. God created humans to make their own decisions/choices and how humans live and die are based on all the decisions that were ever made from the beginning of God's energy. No one can know (well except for God) when one particular human is going to die and why because it's made up of all the energy that has ever existed.
Me: So you're saying that there are so many variables within the energy that even God doesn't know how someone is going to die?
Angel: No, I'm saying the how doesn't matter because the energy will never truly die?
Me: Does that mean reincarnation in true?
Angel: Do you really want to try and understand this?
Me: Well, yeah, it might make it easier to accept all the heartbreaks that are going on?
Angel: Really, you think knowing what God knows would make it easier?
Me: I don't know I kind of thought so, but you're looking at me like I'm an idiot so maybe I don't know.
Angel: {sigh} Look, I know you're heart is really hurting right now for so many people that are dealing with loss and you think that figuring it out will somehow bring them comfort, but really that is not how it works. Everyone has a different path that leads them to understanding. Some may only find it in death and others understand it at a very young age.
Me: How do I know what to believe and tell others?
Angel: You already know the answer to that question don't you.
Me: Yeah, be the person that I want others to be, right?
Angel: You know what is right in your soul, just look there for answers instead of the creations of humans. The energy that you hold in your soul, if you listen to it, will guide you.
Me: You know that sounds kind of hokey right?
Angel: Probably, but you asked me. I gotta get going. I have a lot of work to get done. Being an angel isn't just sitting around and smiling. There are humans everywhere that are looking for answers.
Me: Oh, do you have this conversation a lot?
Angel: You can't even begin to imagine. I'll see you around. {laughing} Get it the whole energy thing I was just talking about? Ok, just a little angel humor.
Me: Nice. See you around.
Even after I've written down this "dreamed" conversation it doesn't have all the idiosyncrasies of the actual "dreamed" conversation. I think the angel was more irritated with me because I didn't trust what my soul was saying to me about God. It seems my soul has more knowledge of how everything works than I thought. I wonder why I don't trust those thoughts more? Why is it so easy to talk at God than have a conversation with him? You know those people who only ask you questions so they can talk about what's going on with them? Have I been doing that with God? He's trying to show me how it works, or even better show me the way and I'm just telling him how my life is and how I think it works. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.
Well, that's what I got. I guess I'll keep trying to be the person I want others to be. Still sounds sappy doesn't it.
