Being a parent can sometimes be like driving in fog. When I've driven in fog, it was usually a road I've traveled many times before, but somehow it seems so foreign and more dangerous. Because of the fog, I drive slower because my eyes are trying to pick up any familiarity and recognize the surroundings. So I use this analogy because it seems lately that although I know my children (since before birth!) and we've traveled together many times before, they keep me ever watchful. Gone are the days of living life on auto pilot and thinking things will work themselves out. Of course, I have those days and when I shake loose of it, I have many "fires" to put out (thankfully not literally, so far).
As you can imagine, this rationale can also make me extremely uptight. You would think that my kids have no fun, but thankfully that's not the case. They certainly have their share of fun. I'm just glad that the thoughts that run through my head aren't visible in little bubbles over my head. Ok, so where was I going with this. Well, I realize that although I need to be ever vigilant, it is also important to listen to what life has to teach me. I can't be just suddenly good at driving in fog. It takes practice, someone willing to take over the wheel for awhile and a couple back seat drivers. I want to share a couple conversations I've had lately with my back seat drivers:
This conversation was with Captain America after a vision therapy session that was not as successful as it could've been. We were driving back through Mpls on the way to the burbs and CA really needed to get something off his chest:
CA: Mom, Kindness Club sucks and it's a total rip off!
Mom: Really, wow those are some strong words. What makes you say that?
CA: They lied to us! They said we would be doing fun things and we don't do anything fun.
Mom: I thought you liked it. You said that it was fun.
CA: YeaAH, the first day! Then they just started talking all the time.
Mom: I thought they said you guys would be doing fun activities. Aren't you doing ANY fun activities?
CA: They SAID it would be fun activities and all we do is talk, watch stupid movies, and sit around. We watched a movie that talked about kindness boomerangs. Guess what, we didn't even get to make real boomerangs. That's dumb! Why couldn't we make boomerangs?
Mom: Well maybe they didn't want someone getting hit with a boomerang because a real one would really hurt.
CA: No, it's dumb. Timmy, Tommy, and Billy are with me on this one (names changed for many reasons). I'm not sure about Hank (again, name changed), I think he is with me if I ask him.
Mom: Do you want to stop going to it?
CA: I'm not sure I can get out of this one Mom.
Mom: How about asking the teachers if you could do some fun activities?
CA: No, I tried that and they told me to sit down and that I could only say kind words.
Mom: How did you ask them?
CA: I just told them that it was boring and I didn't want to do it.
Mom: Maybe you should write some activities down that you think would be fun and then ask the teachers what they think.
CA: I don't know, I think the teachers don't want us to do anything but sit around and say kind words.
Mom: I thought kindness club was coming up with kind things to do for other people.
CA: Yeah, me too but that's not what it is at all and IT'S A RIP OFF!!!
This conversation made me think about what it's like to see things through kids eyes. I remember going to some sort of version of Girl Scouts and thinking it was a rip off. I joined it because I wanted to hang out with other girls who liked camping, fishing, running, jumping, screaming, and pretty much all things outside. What it turned out to be was craft making (inside), singing (inside), and baking (inside). I don't remember how I got out of it, but I don't think I did it for long. Captain America is a service kind of kid. Have you seen the movie UP? If you haven't, you should. If you have, you will know something about my CA. I guess he has to go through these things to learn how to jettison the stuff that doesn't hold up to his ideals. So I'm driving through fog figuring out how I'm going to tell a group of teachers that their Kindness Club is a total rip off.
On to my Incredible Hulk:
This conversation was one that was, again, in the car. Hulk is really good at story telling (I think I've mentioned this before). I love having a conversation with him where anything goes (at this age I don't have to worry that it will get past the G rating). Here it is:
Hulk: Mom, can you talk to the cat?
Mom: Yes, she says you need to stop talking potty talk.
Hulk: She's the one that keeps telling me what to say.
Mom: Really, I'm going to have to talk with her. I thought she was a good kitty.
Hulk: Oh she is, but I tell her I'm not going to listen to her when she says potty talk and she said she'd stop. Did you know that I'm a cat?
Mom: Oh you are?
Hulk: Well, I'm really not a little cat, I'm a saber tiger.
Mom: Really, why can't I see your fur?
Hulk: Because I only change at night. That's when it sticks out of my skin.
Mom: Doesn't that hurt?
Hulk: No! I slowly change.
Mom: Oh, like a werewolf?
Hulk: Yeah, like that. I help keep monsters out of the house.
Mom: I thought that was George's (our very large yellow lab) job
Hulk: No, he's become very lazy and can't hear over his snoring
Mom: Oh, I'm going to have to talk to George about that
Hulk: No, leave him alone, he's old and needs a break from fighting monsters.
Mom: Do monsters come in our house?
Hulk: No, I go out to the garage and eat them before they get in. Then I go up to your bed to sleep. That's why I come to your bed every night.
Mom: Oh, that makes sense now. You just need a rest from eating all those monsters and our bed is closer.
Hulk: Yeah, that's why.
Mom: Well thank you for eating all the monsters I really appreciate it.
Hulk: You're welcome.
This conversation was really fun because we both were in on the joke. Hulk's beautiful brown eyes lit up when he knew I knew but I kept up the story. We both love to have those fun stories together and this time as with many other times, we giggled at each other. So driving through the fog while telling fantastical stories can really help it not seem so daunting a task and a wonderful adventure of the mind.
My boys are great companions while parenting in this fog called life.
