I don't know if this is just a "me" thing or it happens to a lot of people but I have whole chunks of ideas/trains of thoughts/understanding the world processing that can go through my head in what seems like a split second or the time it takes to take a shower (a little longer than a second). I know I'm not someone who fits into the group very easily so just bear with me if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
So today I had this particular process that came to me almost like it was a dream I had, accept I don't think I was sleeping when I "dreamed" this. This dream was a discussion with an angel about God and how it all worked. Here's how it went:
Me: So how does it all work anyway?
Angel: What do you mean?
Me: You know, what's the meaning of life and how does God keep this all straight? How does it happen that some people die at certain times and other don't?
Angel: Ok, so you mean to tell me you don't have this figured out yet?
Me: Well, no not really, I mean I've read about all different ways it works and...Ok, what about cancer, how does that work? Why do some people get it and others don't?
Angel: I don't know
Me: What do you mean you don't know?
Angel: God doesn't sit down and decide who's going to get cancer and who's going to die of what - he doesn't have time for that silly stuff
Me: What do you mean silly? Dying and suffering is a big deal? Didn't God figure that out before we were even born?
Angel: God created energy and energy is always changing shapes and forms - didn't someone already explain this to you?
Me: Yeah, maybe, I might have missed exactly who that was...could you explain?
Angel: {sigh}Ok, here's the deal. So few humans who aren't dying can grasp this so you will probably walk away from this conversation and question it, but here goes...energy is God's wonderful creation. It never dies. It may change in intensity and form but doesn't stop existing. Humans are made up of that energy. God created humans to make their own decisions/choices and how humans live and die are based on all the decisions that were ever made from the beginning of God's energy. No one can know (well except for God) when one particular human is going to die and why because it's made up of all the energy that has ever existed.
Me: So you're saying that there are so many variables within the energy that even God doesn't know how someone is going to die?
Angel: No, I'm saying the how doesn't matter because the energy will never truly die?
Me: Does that mean reincarnation in true?
Angel: Do you really want to try and understand this?
Me: Well, yeah, it might make it easier to accept all the heartbreaks that are going on?
Angel: Really, you think knowing what God knows would make it easier?
Me: I don't know I kind of thought so, but you're looking at me like I'm an idiot so maybe I don't know.
Angel: {sigh} Look, I know you're heart is really hurting right now for so many people that are dealing with loss and you think that figuring it out will somehow bring them comfort, but really that is not how it works. Everyone has a different path that leads them to understanding. Some may only find it in death and others understand it at a very young age.
Me: How do I know what to believe and tell others?
Angel: You already know the answer to that question don't you.
Me: Yeah, be the person that I want others to be, right?
Angel: You know what is right in your soul, just look there for answers instead of the creations of humans. The energy that you hold in your soul, if you listen to it, will guide you.
Me: You know that sounds kind of hokey right?
Angel: Probably, but you asked me. I gotta get going. I have a lot of work to get done. Being an angel isn't just sitting around and smiling. There are humans everywhere that are looking for answers.
Me: Oh, do you have this conversation a lot?
Angel: You can't even begin to imagine. I'll see you around. {laughing} Get it the whole energy thing I was just talking about? Ok, just a little angel humor.
Me: Nice. See you around.
Even after I've written down this "dreamed" conversation it doesn't have all the idiosyncrasies of the actual "dreamed" conversation. I think the angel was more irritated with me because I didn't trust what my soul was saying to me about God. It seems my soul has more knowledge of how everything works than I thought. I wonder why I don't trust those thoughts more? Why is it so easy to talk at God than have a conversation with him? You know those people who only ask you questions so they can talk about what's going on with them? Have I been doing that with God? He's trying to show me how it works, or even better show me the way and I'm just telling him how my life is and how I think it works. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.
Well, that's what I got. I guess I'll keep trying to be the person I want others to be. Still sounds sappy doesn't it.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Driving in Fog
Being a parent can sometimes be like driving in fog. When I've driven in fog, it was usually a road I've traveled many times before, but somehow it seems so foreign and more dangerous. Because of the fog, I drive slower because my eyes are trying to pick up any familiarity and recognize the surroundings. So I use this analogy because it seems lately that although I know my children (since before birth!) and we've traveled together many times before, they keep me ever watchful. Gone are the days of living life on auto pilot and thinking things will work themselves out. Of course, I have those days and when I shake loose of it, I have many "fires" to put out (thankfully not literally, so far).
As you can imagine, this rationale can also make me extremely uptight. You would think that my kids have no fun, but thankfully that's not the case. They certainly have their share of fun. I'm just glad that the thoughts that run through my head aren't visible in little bubbles over my head. Ok, so where was I going with this. Well, I realize that although I need to be ever vigilant, it is also important to listen to what life has to teach me. I can't be just suddenly good at driving in fog. It takes practice, someone willing to take over the wheel for awhile and a couple back seat drivers. I want to share a couple conversations I've had lately with my back seat drivers:
This conversation was with Captain America after a vision therapy session that was not as successful as it could've been. We were driving back through Mpls on the way to the burbs and CA really needed to get something off his chest:
CA: Mom, Kindness Club sucks and it's a total rip off!
Mom: Really, wow those are some strong words. What makes you say that?
CA: They lied to us! They said we would be doing fun things and we don't do anything fun.
Mom: I thought you liked it. You said that it was fun.
CA: YeaAH, the first day! Then they just started talking all the time.
Mom: I thought they said you guys would be doing fun activities. Aren't you doing ANY fun activities?
CA: They SAID it would be fun activities and all we do is talk, watch stupid movies, and sit around. We watched a movie that talked about kindness boomerangs. Guess what, we didn't even get to make real boomerangs. That's dumb! Why couldn't we make boomerangs?
Mom: Well maybe they didn't want someone getting hit with a boomerang because a real one would really hurt.
CA: No, it's dumb. Timmy, Tommy, and Billy are with me on this one (names changed for many reasons). I'm not sure about Hank (again, name changed), I think he is with me if I ask him.
Mom: Do you want to stop going to it?
CA: I'm not sure I can get out of this one Mom.
Mom: How about asking the teachers if you could do some fun activities?
CA: No, I tried that and they told me to sit down and that I could only say kind words.
Mom: How did you ask them?
CA: I just told them that it was boring and I didn't want to do it.
Mom: Maybe you should write some activities down that you think would be fun and then ask the teachers what they think.
CA: I don't know, I think the teachers don't want us to do anything but sit around and say kind words.
Mom: I thought kindness club was coming up with kind things to do for other people.
CA: Yeah, me too but that's not what it is at all and IT'S A RIP OFF!!!
This conversation made me think about what it's like to see things through kids eyes. I remember going to some sort of version of Girl Scouts and thinking it was a rip off. I joined it because I wanted to hang out with other girls who liked camping, fishing, running, jumping, screaming, and pretty much all things outside. What it turned out to be was craft making (inside), singing (inside), and baking (inside). I don't remember how I got out of it, but I don't think I did it for long. Captain America is a service kind of kid. Have you seen the movie UP? If you haven't, you should. If you have, you will know something about my CA. I guess he has to go through these things to learn how to jettison the stuff that doesn't hold up to his ideals. So I'm driving through fog figuring out how I'm going to tell a group of teachers that their Kindness Club is a total rip off.
On to my Incredible Hulk:
This conversation was one that was, again, in the car. Hulk is really good at story telling (I think I've mentioned this before). I love having a conversation with him where anything goes (at this age I don't have to worry that it will get past the G rating). Here it is:
Hulk: Mom, can you talk to the cat?
Mom: Yes, she says you need to stop talking potty talk.
Hulk: She's the one that keeps telling me what to say.
Mom: Really, I'm going to have to talk with her. I thought she was a good kitty.
Hulk: Oh she is, but I tell her I'm not going to listen to her when she says potty talk and she said she'd stop. Did you know that I'm a cat?
Mom: Oh you are?
Hulk: Well, I'm really not a little cat, I'm a saber tiger.
Mom: Really, why can't I see your fur?
Hulk: Because I only change at night. That's when it sticks out of my skin.
Mom: Doesn't that hurt?
Hulk: No! I slowly change.
Mom: Oh, like a werewolf?
Hulk: Yeah, like that. I help keep monsters out of the house.
Mom: I thought that was George's (our very large yellow lab) job
Hulk: No, he's become very lazy and can't hear over his snoring
Mom: Oh, I'm going to have to talk to George about that
Hulk: No, leave him alone, he's old and needs a break from fighting monsters.
Mom: Do monsters come in our house?
Hulk: No, I go out to the garage and eat them before they get in. Then I go up to your bed to sleep. That's why I come to your bed every night.
Mom: Oh, that makes sense now. You just need a rest from eating all those monsters and our bed is closer.
Hulk: Yeah, that's why.
Mom: Well thank you for eating all the monsters I really appreciate it.
Hulk: You're welcome.
This conversation was really fun because we both were in on the joke. Hulk's beautiful brown eyes lit up when he knew I knew but I kept up the story. We both love to have those fun stories together and this time as with many other times, we giggled at each other. So driving through the fog while telling fantastical stories can really help it not seem so daunting a task and a wonderful adventure of the mind.
My boys are great companions while parenting in this fog called life.
As you can imagine, this rationale can also make me extremely uptight. You would think that my kids have no fun, but thankfully that's not the case. They certainly have their share of fun. I'm just glad that the thoughts that run through my head aren't visible in little bubbles over my head. Ok, so where was I going with this. Well, I realize that although I need to be ever vigilant, it is also important to listen to what life has to teach me. I can't be just suddenly good at driving in fog. It takes practice, someone willing to take over the wheel for awhile and a couple back seat drivers. I want to share a couple conversations I've had lately with my back seat drivers:
This conversation was with Captain America after a vision therapy session that was not as successful as it could've been. We were driving back through Mpls on the way to the burbs and CA really needed to get something off his chest:
CA: Mom, Kindness Club sucks and it's a total rip off!
Mom: Really, wow those are some strong words. What makes you say that?
CA: They lied to us! They said we would be doing fun things and we don't do anything fun.
Mom: I thought you liked it. You said that it was fun.
CA: YeaAH, the first day! Then they just started talking all the time.
Mom: I thought they said you guys would be doing fun activities. Aren't you doing ANY fun activities?
CA: They SAID it would be fun activities and all we do is talk, watch stupid movies, and sit around. We watched a movie that talked about kindness boomerangs. Guess what, we didn't even get to make real boomerangs. That's dumb! Why couldn't we make boomerangs?
Mom: Well maybe they didn't want someone getting hit with a boomerang because a real one would really hurt.
CA: No, it's dumb. Timmy, Tommy, and Billy are with me on this one (names changed for many reasons). I'm not sure about Hank (again, name changed), I think he is with me if I ask him.
Mom: Do you want to stop going to it?
CA: I'm not sure I can get out of this one Mom.
Mom: How about asking the teachers if you could do some fun activities?
CA: No, I tried that and they told me to sit down and that I could only say kind words.
Mom: How did you ask them?
CA: I just told them that it was boring and I didn't want to do it.
Mom: Maybe you should write some activities down that you think would be fun and then ask the teachers what they think.
CA: I don't know, I think the teachers don't want us to do anything but sit around and say kind words.
Mom: I thought kindness club was coming up with kind things to do for other people.
CA: Yeah, me too but that's not what it is at all and IT'S A RIP OFF!!!
This conversation made me think about what it's like to see things through kids eyes. I remember going to some sort of version of Girl Scouts and thinking it was a rip off. I joined it because I wanted to hang out with other girls who liked camping, fishing, running, jumping, screaming, and pretty much all things outside. What it turned out to be was craft making (inside), singing (inside), and baking (inside). I don't remember how I got out of it, but I don't think I did it for long. Captain America is a service kind of kid. Have you seen the movie UP? If you haven't, you should. If you have, you will know something about my CA. I guess he has to go through these things to learn how to jettison the stuff that doesn't hold up to his ideals. So I'm driving through fog figuring out how I'm going to tell a group of teachers that their Kindness Club is a total rip off.
On to my Incredible Hulk:
This conversation was one that was, again, in the car. Hulk is really good at story telling (I think I've mentioned this before). I love having a conversation with him where anything goes (at this age I don't have to worry that it will get past the G rating). Here it is:
Hulk: Mom, can you talk to the cat?
Mom: Yes, she says you need to stop talking potty talk.
Hulk: She's the one that keeps telling me what to say.
Mom: Really, I'm going to have to talk with her. I thought she was a good kitty.
Hulk: Oh she is, but I tell her I'm not going to listen to her when she says potty talk and she said she'd stop. Did you know that I'm a cat?
Mom: Oh you are?
Hulk: Well, I'm really not a little cat, I'm a saber tiger.
Mom: Really, why can't I see your fur?
Hulk: Because I only change at night. That's when it sticks out of my skin.
Mom: Doesn't that hurt?
Hulk: No! I slowly change.
Mom: Oh, like a werewolf?
Hulk: Yeah, like that. I help keep monsters out of the house.
Mom: I thought that was George's (our very large yellow lab) job
Hulk: No, he's become very lazy and can't hear over his snoring
Mom: Oh, I'm going to have to talk to George about that
Hulk: No, leave him alone, he's old and needs a break from fighting monsters.
Mom: Do monsters come in our house?
Hulk: No, I go out to the garage and eat them before they get in. Then I go up to your bed to sleep. That's why I come to your bed every night.
Mom: Oh, that makes sense now. You just need a rest from eating all those monsters and our bed is closer.
Hulk: Yeah, that's why.
Mom: Well thank you for eating all the monsters I really appreciate it.
Hulk: You're welcome.
This conversation was really fun because we both were in on the joke. Hulk's beautiful brown eyes lit up when he knew I knew but I kept up the story. We both love to have those fun stories together and this time as with many other times, we giggled at each other. So driving through the fog while telling fantastical stories can really help it not seem so daunting a task and a wonderful adventure of the mind.
My boys are great companions while parenting in this fog called life.
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