So what's snarky? I'll tell you:
I've come to realize that watching your kids run around like maniacs and refereeing these antics don't equal actual exercise. Yeah, who knew? Well I sure didn't, because I'm just as tired as though I'd been running at least a half marathon. In fact, I think I would be less tired running a half marathon. So when did I have this realization? I'm sure you already know the answer but here it is: putting on my pants. Yep, you knew it didn't you. I can only tell myself the pants have shrunk in the wash so long. Also, I'm not a fan of tight and uncomfortable, I'll leave that up to the teenagers/younger adults who haven't figured out yet that tight and skimpy has repercussions such as constipation and frostbite. Anyway, this realization stirred me to subject my husband to yet another of my great ideas. A new gym membership! He actually is pretty happy with the idea, but then again he just thinks about getting into shape and it seems his body responds, mine goes into hibernation. Along with this membership came some free personal trainer sessions. I was very excited about this. I've never had one of those sessions and thought it would be very beneficial. They were very beneficial and I learned new things about the way I'm eating and how to exercise more productively. Ok, that aside, these people have no idea what it's like to be a working mom, have an erratic schedule, and live within a budget! So here's some reasons I think personal trainers and their "healthier you" suggestions don't live on my planet:
- I believe if I took all the suggested supplements for a healthier me, I would smell like a vitamin and look like one too.
- Whey protein drinks are not tasty. They are like a shot of Tequila: tough to get down, may cause a little of the gag reflex, and you may regret what you say afterwards.
- Exercising "at least 3 times a week" is a pipe dream. Unless exercising between 9pm-12am and not being able to sleep until 2 am counts as healthy.
- Trainer: "What does your routine look like?" ; Me: Silence, "I'm not sure what you're asking".
- After speaking at length about my work schedule and how my husband's rotates every other week. Trainer: "Do you think you could make it to the gym during the day?"; Me: "Hmmm, I think we talked about this already" more silence.
- Trainer: "I'm going to give you some exercises you can do anywhere, even at work. So you will want to have a really large ball for some of these." Really? at work? with children?
- They suggested that I figure out my goals and they would design a plan that could work around my schedule. My goals are simple, loose weight and look great! My schedule....hmmm....what can we do in 5 minutes?
- Trainer: "You can get a really good one-on-one training/health assessment/be the best you can be at everything for only $250 a month". Me: {thinking in my head} yes and I could also make a car payment on a Lexus for that much and pretend I don't have kids. Out loud, "I don't believe that is in the budget".
